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After 30 yrs of marriage, my best move is to clean something unexpectedly. Who can forget the cutlery drawer blowjob of '08..
New tweeters.. Often you'll be told "You're tweeting wrong".. Fuck that bullshit, spit shit out, do what you want, you'll fit in somewhere.
My life is like a vagina. It's usually warm and pleasant, but periodically it's a bloody mess.
If you love something smash it with a rock and set it free. If it just lays there not moving, you're really good at rock smashing.
Being pissed off at someone on twitter is like being outraged that someone 1000 miles away wants to keep chickens in their backyard.
Fuck I really miss seeing nipples. Damn all you foam bra manufacturers. Damn you to hell.
If I had a vagina, I'd want a labia big enough so I could grab it with two hands and use it to glide safely away if my plane was going down.
You can't spell, "Eat shit and die, you cuntface fucktard." without a bunch of fucking letters.
If I ever catch my wife in the act of fucking around, I hope it's with a midget. That shit would just be funny.
I would love to fuck the brains out of Palin and Bachmann, but alas I appear to be to late..
Men..If you're going to buy your lady feminine protection, own that shit..Use your job site voice to bellow for "Tampon Assistance."
New tweeters..Just spit it out, enjoy the freedom, do your thing. Will you be judged? Absolutely. Human fucking nature. Tweet the fuck on.
Allow me to sum up tonight's debate, save you some time. "Did too" "Did not" "Did too" "Did not" "Did too" "Did not" "Muslim" "Mormon"
Tweeters come and tweeters go. Some tweets hum and some tweets blow. Don't be dumb or act the Ho. And I will give your tweets a go.
If I want bacon flavored stuff, I'll eat fucking bacon. If I want whiskey flavored stuff, I'll drink fucking whiskey. Fake tits are fine.
My biggest problem with a surprise piss test is inconspicuously removing the doobies I've secretly stashed in my urethra.
I think prostitutes should call themselves "Independent Ejaculate Extraction Engineering Consultants."
Love the obscene flavored with a sprig of intelligence. Served on a bed of nonsense profanely smothered in kindness and tolerance sauce.
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