It's okay if you don't follow me back. I understand that this much awesomeness can be hard to handle.

It appears that my ex has gained all the weight that I lost. Thanks, Karma, I owe you one.

@jt_iv_ you're just jealous that you can't do the same ;)

Spending my day cleaning because adulthood sucks

@durango24k @gammaatheist @bdawks39 I raise my 2 boys with a woman and they are amazing kids. They're not narrow minded idiots either.

Damn, @divvr tearing it up with the truth!

I hope you guys are okay with the fact that I picture some of you naked

@osno13 Drink a cold one for me :)

@jt_iv_ are you a nurse?

@gaelicmohawk why, thanks ;)

I'm just here for the inappropriate comments

I remember when the weekends meant partying. Ahh, the good old days

When people from Facebook ask me about my Twitter account, I immediately unfriend them.

Does following @njpsychdoc mean I no longer need to see my RL psych doc?

I couldn't even finish watching that film. Most disturbing thing I've EVER seen. And now I'm all sad...yay

Somebody text me, I'm bored. Oh wait, this isn't Facebook

In case you were wondering how low I've sunk, I think my boys' math teacher is sexy.

Tattoos are sexy as hell

I'm beginning to think some of you aren't on Twitter during the day because of jobs. Come on, people, priorities!

@jt_iv_ You can't make up the extent of people's stupidity