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There should be a relationship status on Facebook called 'I have no idea, this bitch is crazy'.
McDonalds are bringing out the McDashian! Its two buns stuffed with a lot of black meat but will break up before you get it into your mouth.
Wanna surprise your girlfriend for Christmas this year? Get her a framed photo of you and your wife.
How many 'Occupy' protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change anything.
10 Facebook Tips: Delete your account. You're welcome.
#mydivorcesong It wasn't me - Shaggy.
If you hold Justin Biebers vagina up to your ear, you can hear the sound of Ushers new single.
Don't have a valentine? Could be worse, you could be in a long term relationship.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the Sarah Jessica Parker face?"
#MyDickIn3WordsOrLess - Rihanna (Cause I beat it daily)
Zero fucks are given when I see a Facebook album titled 'Mah new boifrand' with 142 new photos in it.
When you say restraining order, I hear forbidden love.
This guy came up to me and said 'glee was so awesome last night dude' but all I heard was 'I have a vagina full of aids'.
Demi and Ashton are breaking up.Turns out Ashton is looking for someone more mature in his life, someone like Betty White.
I saw two females with a flat tyre on the side of the road, they waved for me to stop. I waved back & kept driving #DoingMyPart4EqualRights
Sometimes I'm funny, other times fuck you.
'I'm not paying 50 extra fucking cents for sauce! Do you know who the fuck I am on twitter?' - Me at McDonalds.
Leave your morals and clothes at the door if you're going to follow me.