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#IfSantaWasBlack white people would be placing Brinks Home Security systems in their chimneys.
#CelebPerfumes: "Famous: For No Reason" by The Kardashian Sisters with guest appearances by Snooki & Paris Hilton.
WikiLeaks needs to hire Maury to reveal the results of their documents.
Hugh Hefner's age (minus) his fiance's age (plus) Hugh Hefner's liver spots (divided) by his shriveled testicles = I'm going to barf.
Glitter is just gay dirt.
Remember all that talk about 'crack babies' 20+ years ago? Well they're all grown up & control rap music now. Enjoy the bullshit music.
Doesn't matter if Stephen Hawking doesn't believe in Heaven because there's only a "stairway to Heaven" not a "ramp to Heaven." BOOM!
Just finished watching the Bradley and Pacquiao fight. So I guess Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller judge boxing matches now?
So cute how rappers put jewelry in their mouths when many of their "people" in the hood have a hard time putting food in their mouths.
Thank God the economy is fixed, gas prices are down, wars have ended, & world hunger is no more so I can obsess over the Royal Wedding!!!
RIP Larry King (1933 - Soon)
My nipples are so hard right now, they're going to get tear drop tattoos.
Nancy Grace is going to break through the walls of this courtroom riding a dragon while wielding a battle axe.
Asian people have the shittiest stereotypes to whine about. Really? You're good at math? Cool, people think I'm going to blow up planes.
Congratulations to Amy Winehouse's one week of sobriety.
Snoop Dogg was arrested for possession of marijuana today. In other news, ice is cold and we live on Earth.
Just saw a leopard wearing fat chick print clothes.
RIP Steve Jobs. Everyone lower your turtlenecks to half mast.
Robert Kardashian rolls over in his grave every time his daughters get porked by a black guy. His casket is a 24hr rotisserie at this point.
Osama bin Laden's tombstone will read: "Terrorist, Hummus Lover, Beard Enthusiast, & Hide and Seek World Champion"
I've never been more sure about anything in my life than this Twitter bio.