I just licked a broken butterfinger out of the wrapper. That's probably the fattest thing I've ever done.

Thong underwear works wonders for the self-esteem

Someone was running asshole on all cylinders today!

My middle finger itches. I have a feeling I am going to piss someone off and not even know it later today.

I just watched "Contagion". I'm not touching ANYBODY! I don't care if your grandma just died!! You'll get an empathetic nod from me!

Going to get some cardio jump-roping in today. I almost started a fire with my thighs yesterday.

Sexiest pic EVER RT@sktv_: Yup! RT @skandies: @sktv_ And u dat dude to bring a bucket of fried chicken to the beach! pic.twitter.com/QFXTjvcE1o”

There's beef going on between @jaleelwhite and some guy that calls himself @waltnew.

That's really cute!! RT“@heelzandharleyz: @dixie_dupree @clitfinger
Blue dress...Gold heels http://t.co/OzfueSFy”

Have a great day @kakawhit @gsuspiecewitice @dubbg18 @legend76nc @jmoneyy77 @officialdiggz @senoritasaucy @snobbygirl17 @jillbear1721

@n_perl_daniels @jillbear1721 @snobbygirl17 @dixie_dupree I'm always afraid I'm going to drop my phone in the toilet. Yea I said it 💩

Eww, lmao RT"@dosiedoe: I bet when Rosie O'Donnell goes to KFC, she licks everybody's fingers."

Saw a "sexy" fireman costume wearer at the gas station. *Yawn*

Do your math homework RT“@sktv_: Just because they're Asian, that doesn't mean they'll _______”

Sitting in the Walmart parking lot thinking #FML #ThisIsMyFridayNight

If you say,"Valentimes Day", you can't be my Valentine

That's not PB O_oRT@sktv_: F'n taking pix of yaself in the mirror wit Peanut butter stains on em!WTF u was cleanin it off wit a PBJ sammich?

#SignsThugsWorkAtYourJob the bathroom and smoking areas always smell like weed

@dixie_dupree I don't get too many lol

If u have emoji RT“@sktv_: U can punch somebody via Twitter? o_O RT @34d_22_40atl: I swear a certain NUPE on my TL about to get punched!"”