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I just licked a broken butterfinger out of the wrapper. That's probably the fattest thing I've ever done.
Thong underwear works wonders for the self-esteem
Someone was running asshole on all cylinders today!
My middle finger itches. I have a feeling I am going to piss someone off and not even know it later today.
I just watched "Contagion". I'm not touching ANYBODY! I don't care if your grandma just died!! You'll get an empathetic nod from me!
Going to get some cardio jump-roping in today. I almost started a fire with my thighs yesterday.
Men that are well-endowed can't wear those morph suits. But I'm not saying they shouldn't.....
This girl was shaking her ass so much that her dress rode up and showed her bloomers. Yea, she had on granny panties at the club.
Saw a "sexy" fireman costume wearer at the gas station. *Yawn*
I think my dad is the only person that still calls KFC "Colonel Sanders"
My life's not perfect, but whose is? The day @MichaelFranti followed me was the BEST DAY EVER! #4SHODIME