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So, I'm not "lesbian" enough because I carry a purse, wear heels, and love football? ~ Fuck you and your leg hair.
You are my first and last true love but damn, the story is fucked up in the middle.
HELPFUL HINT: When cramming large boobies in a bra, please align the nips. The broke-down Nissan headlight look is not attractive ladies!
If you can tell me "I want to build a life with you" or "I want to fuck you bow legged" and it has the same impact, I'm yours forever.
Why is it so much more fun to eat ice cream with a little flat piece of wood that doesn't work for shit?
The redneck Ex missed me while camping: "It's like reaching to your belt & your gun or knife isn't there." I could not make this shit up!
Q: When is a large sex toy collection a hassle? A: When moving with your father & bro-in-law's help.
I don't want to be your * ( *words like princess, etc.) if you are only going to 'make love' to me. I'm not a china doll, fuck me already!
If you want me to even acknowledge your drama, you better be family or fucking me.
Dear Lord, Since I'm 100% certain no birthday sex, please provide 100 make-up orgasms in my near future. Sincerely, Horny Birthday Girl
My vajayjay can vajazzle without being vajazzled. (or so I like to think)
Between tweeting and thinking about my vibrator session last night, I'm not getting shit done. - Employee of the month candidate, Me.
Apparently if it's used correctly the word apparently can create comedic pause on twitter, apparently.
Hey twitter crush! If only you could DM me........I would tell you all about what I am doing right now, right-handed, in your honor!
The saying 'You're only attracted to assholes until you're with one' is a boldface lie. The nice ones bore the fuck out of me.
The remodeled Walmart by my house is looking all Target-y. Who the fuck do they think they're fooling??
