Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Nothing says "trust us to do your taxes" like having a drunk homeless guy dance around in a Statue of Liberty costume.
I bet John Boehner was like "if I get tan enough, maybe they'll think I'm president."
I always watch Jeopardy before the Bachelor, just to give my brain cells a workout before I spend several hours mercilessly killing them.
Ugh, there are 365 days until Christmas and my parents already have their decorations up. So tacky.
*logs into Facebook*
*logs out of Facebook*
Memo from Santa: Due to the rising cost of coal, this year people on the naughty list will be receiving Nickelback CDs.
Happy Christmas Eve Eve, otherwise known as the day I finally start Christmas shopping.
I bet the other two wise men were like "the gold is from all of us."
Where was North Korea when my girlfriend was forcing me to watch Twilight 17 times?
Ways to improve Christmas shopping:
1. Less shopping.
2. Like, a lot less.
3. Literally no shopping.
4. Instead of shopping, drinking.
Woo it's Friday! I'm gonna go out*, drink heavily**, and party all night long***!
**watch some Netflix
***probably go to bed early
Facebook would like to remind you that some dude from 9th grade English and the girl who gave you mono have birthdays today.
Apprentice Jabbawockee & Beer Pong Enthusiast. Also, I once gave a girl a broken compass--Bachelorette Season 7