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Oh my God Facebook is down. Who's engaged? Did someone have a baby? Is anyone running a 5k!? I DON'T KNOW
Has Donald Trump found a way to make the presence of water on Mars about him yet?
Facebook is finally adding a dislike button. Still waiting for the 'jesus, stop posting selfies' and 'wait, who are you again" buttons.
I bet Donald Trump's biggest problem with Arnold Schwarzenegger replacing him on Celebrity Apprentice is that his job went to an immigrant.
I've never hoped someone would win the presidency as much as I hope Donald Trump doesn't win it.
The love story between Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake is more romantic than the Notebook.
Tom Brady's suspension was overturned this morning, so good luck teaching your kids that cheaters never prosper.
The worst part of the Chad Kroeger Avril Lavigne breakup is it might inspire them to write new music.
70% chance Donald Trump paid Kanye to announce he was running for President just so people would be like "oh, so it could be worse."
Imagine Kanye trying to negotiate peace between the Israelis and Palestinians. " If T Swift & I can squash our beef, y'all can squash this."
Apparently the only acceptable response to "how was your weekend?" is "too short!" followed by 5-10 seconds of fake laughter.
Can someone put Kim Jong-Un down for his nap? He's a wittle cwanky.
Jared Fogle is going to prison for 5 years. "Would you like a 6 inch or footlong" is about to take on a whole new meaning for him.
George Zimmerman's transformation into a comic book villain is almost complete.
Take a second & let it sink in that someone actually had to publicly apologize for not drawing Tom Brady hot enough.
I'm very good at drinking games. Like, weirdly good. Bachelorette Season 7. Snapchat: a.westlee; Insta: AWestLee
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