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Batman: Do you bleed? You will.
Superman: We'll see.
Aquaman: Guyyys, what about me? Does anyone need to talk to a fish, or swim a long way?
Me: Time for bed.
My brain: Stay up for three more hours reading bullshit on the internet? You got it.
Thursday is like your high school sweetheart. You like it but you know something better is right around the corner.
Am I the only person who was disappointed to learn that a gyrocopter is not a helicopter that delivers delicious gyros?
Pretty neat how we can make highly complex microchips the size of a grain of rice but my multi-vitamin almost chokes me to death every day.
Catching up on tv shows is basically my second job.
The most surprising thing about a guy choking Justin Bieber at Coachella is that there's apparently someone at Coachella I'd get along with.
It took humanity thousands of years to develop language, and one generation of teens with fancy phones to destroy it.
Imagine trying to explain Ant Man to a girl in such a way that you might still get to have sex with her after. Just kidding. You can't.
Welcome to Olive Garden. When you're here, you're family. Sit up straight. Use a napkin. Why couldn't you be more like your brother?
Apprentice Jabbawockee & Beer Pong Enthusiast. Also, I once gave a girl a broken compass--Bachelorette Season 7
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