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Lost some followers today. Oh well. If you can't handle me at my terrible tweets, you don't deserve me at my slightly less terrible tweets.
My favorite part of Easter is how we celebrate the son of God coming back from the dead by telling kids a giant rabbit brought them candy.
But aren't they all good Fridays?
Peeps are the Nickelback of Easter candies.
You can make a difference in a special lady's life today. Donate, RT, or keep her in your thoughts. Every bit helps. http://www.gofundme.com/LisGiuglianoTransplant?pc=tw_f_m …
I like to think all of Jay-Z and Beyonce's arguments are in song/rap form.
I'm okay with Michael Phelps coming out of retirement as long as he doesn't bring Ryan Lochte with him.
*sees headline Michael Phelps Comes Out of Retirement at Age 28*
*realizes Phelps retired before 28*
*regrets every decision ever made*
One more time for the afternoon crowd: http://www.gofundme.com/LisGiuglianoTransplant?pc=tw_f_m … pic.twitter.com/jeHkBHJavN
What would you do if your mom was gravely ill? Please read. Donate, retweet, or say a prayer. All are appreciated. http://www.gofundme.com/LisGiuglianoTransplant?pc=tw_f_m …
Please take a minute to read about a beautiful woman who needs our help. Give $1, or share her story. Every bit helps http://www.gofundme.com/LisGiuglianoTransplant?pc=tw_p2 …
Oh my God Instagram is down. What is everyone eating? How are your pets? WHAT DO CLOUDS LOOK LIKE??
Dear Lord, thank you for this meal we are about to Instagram.
Hi this is Bob Barker, reminding you to spay and neuter your hipsters.
My life is basically just killing time between meals.
Think about everyone you've ever heard say they have swag and tell me there isn't at least a possibility that 'swag' means herpes.
Apprentice Jabbawockee & Beer Pong Enthusiast. Also, I once gave a girl a broken compass--Bachelorette Season 7