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I woke up one morning and my entire timeline was people arguing about the color of a dress. That was when I knew the end was near.
The scary thing about Alaska legalizing marijuana is that it means Sarah Palin has been sober all this time.
*wakes up* so I guess we're doing THIS again
I remember when snow meant cool stuff like staying home from school and sledding. Now it just means "good luck on your commute, asshole."
I wish some people would give up selfies for Lent.
Breaking: Afroman and Vanilla Ice arrested. Marginally successful rappers everywhere under attack. Petey Pablo and Soulja Boy still missing.
The serving size for Girl Scout cookies is all of them, right?
If the officers didn't yell "STOP...collaborate and listen" when they caught Vanilla Ice robbing that house, they're more mature than I am.
Not sure what my dog thinks I do all day, but based on her excitement when I get home she apparently lives in constant fear I'll be murdered
Happy Fat Tuesday, which, to most of America, is just Tuesday.
Apprentice Jabbawockee & Beer Pong Enthusiast. Also, I once gave a girl a broken compass--Bachelorette Season 7
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