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May the 4th be *giant anvil falls on head*
Sorry I can't go out tonight, I'm trying to emotionally prepare myself for the return of Game of Thrones.
Even in death, I wouldn't trust my girlfriend around Prince. He was that smooth.
"Happy 420!" said all of the people who will be "randomly" drug tested at work tomorrow.
I hope the Empire State building turning red after Trump won New York means that if Elijah Wood throws a ring in a volcano we can end this.
My bed is roughly 3000% more comfortable when it's time to get up in the morning than it was when it was time to go to sleep.
"Ok, I can sleep for this much longer and still make it to work on time." -me, every morning until I'm late
NFL: We'll pay you millions of dollars to play a kid's game. All you have to do is quit smoking pot.
Josh Gordon: No.
12pm Friday: Can't wait to go out tonight!
7pm Friday: I'd literally rather die than go out tonight.
Now that April Fools Day is over, we can go back to lying and being mean to each other for normal reasons like religion or political gain.
April Fools Day pregnancy jokes stopped being fun when my parents started getting excited instead of scared.
Wouldn't it be funny if for April Fools Day we all just didn't go to work tomorrow? You know, as a joke.
Really hoping that tomorrow we find out this whole Trump for President thing was the most elaborate April Fools Day joke in history.
Just realized Little Bunny Foo Foo and The Itsy Bitsy Spider are basically the same song and now I feel like my entire childhood was a lie.
North Carolina, where it's legal to marry your cousin, but letting a gay person use your bathroom is just plain gross.
I'm very good at drinking games. Like, weirdly good. Bachelorette Season 7. Snapchat: a.westlee; Insta: AWestLee
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