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I like Bill Clinton, but he's taking longer to get to the point than the dad from How I Met Your Mother.
The best thing about Bachelor in Paradise is how much better it makes me feel about my life choices.
I vote we make Trump choose between his hair and the presidency. See how much he really wants it.
I wish I could get a job where I could just say "I'll fix it" and provide no plan whatsoever and people would cheer me.
I'm starting to think this is the last season of Earth and the writers are just going nuts.
So Taylor wrote a diss song, that Calvin released, after their breakup, about their breakup? It was easier to follow the plot of Inception.
You either die a hero or live long enough to see Pokémon be a thing twice.
Why do we celebrate America with fireworks? Fireworks are loud and obnoxious and violent and ohhhhh ok I get it now.
*Sees "Today is Donald Trump's 70th" trending*
"Human Soul devoured?"
*clicks on link*
"Ohhh, birthday. Right."
I'm very good at drinking games. Like, weirdly good. Bachelorette Season 7. Snapchat: a.westlee; Insta: AWestLee
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