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My #therapist says I sometimes misread people. I think she wants me.
My #ex says I have no life. Of course I don't. I'm raising your kids fuck head.
Ok seriously, where the hell is my shirt?
My nativity scene suddenly includes a kangaroo and a robot.
I hate people who post something followed by "you know who you are". You know who you are.
The phone is ringing and I have a mouth full of #cheese. Decisions, decisions.
My multiple personalities take alot of work. I second that.
My dog has humped the neighbour dog like 6 times today. That's just showing off.
Santa with a bag tied over his head is creepy. And a little arousing.
Yes, I acknowledged you with a wave when you revved your engine. I don't think the siren was necessary.
I have this weird rash. Nothing like a little mystery to round out the evening.
I hate working with women. I need to learn a trade. Like, welding. Or prostitution.
I got the music in me. Mainly because I choked on a Kazzoo but also cuz I like to sing.
I'm classy. Except inside my head. But that's what Twitter is for.