Open Mike Night has a whole new meaning in gay bars .

Some of you are extremely funny , but the rest of you really need to give prostitution some serious thought .

Men that encounter really huge female breasts sometimes run totally out of spit , while trying to moisten just one areola .

I'm pretty sure twitter will transition into a dating service for the mentally challenged .

My old school chums would never believe I spent this much time typing back and forth to other fellow mentally dismantled individuals .

A room full of 5 year olds could make better decisions for the world . The adults have agenda's , but the children have dreams .

Ladies , Have you ever been with a man that took so long unwrapping a condom that you started playing charades with the couple next to you ?

It's amusing to watch tweets progress , from an innocent glad to meet you to " My pants are down and I'm getting close to your house . "

I've got 666 followers , and I wish one of you would tweet somebody, and have them follow me just long enough to get the devil off my ass .

When a hippopotamus gets horny , Things become hippocritical .

My Who to Follow listing is starting to look like the Manson Family .

I've decided to donate my body to Science Fiction .

There's nothing wrong at all about wearing party hats while fucking .

There's nothing more scary than making contact , with a bingo ladies foot corn , as she cleverly works her giant claw up your inseam .

You don't have to have a body like a Greek god , if you know where all the 40 percent off ladies shoe sales are located .

I've closed my twitter account twice so far , but I've decided the next time frustration sets in to just shave off one eyebrow .

Wanted : Funny and interesting personalities for my timeline . Must be at least 21 years of age and be able to type in fluent English .

If my dog barks at your avi , I unfollow . It's just a simple low-tech way of deciding your future .

I don't remember following any of you people .

Don't you just hate those people , who stab you in the back , and then have the fucking nerve to ask for help loading the Flat Screen ?