@OFeelYah's (Ophelia) most faved Tweets...
Just opened a new vat of ice cream and found a pube on the top layer. My feeling? If it was good enough to fuck, it's good enough to eat.
I'm being forced to attend a scrapbook party. On the plus side I have always wanted my suicide to be well documented on acid free paper.
The key to not looking like a slut is to act surprised when he tries anal. And, if that's not a pro tip then I don't know what is.
I just saw a dude get busted for shoplifting...in a dollar store! The worst part? I was actually in a dollar store
I just told my boss what I really think of him. BUT, I used the phrase "no offense" beforehand so we should be good.
I think my boobs are magnets because the only men who want to touch them are those with rings on their fingers..
I hate life.
I hate life.
Hey little boy who bumped into my crotch face first, you may be crying now but, in a couple years, you'll thank me,
I like my men to have thick dark hair, strong jawlines and prominent eyebrows....you know....like Brooke Shields
When a 2yr old throws herself on the floor and pees they say she's throwing a fit. But, when I do it they call me an alcoholic. Jerks
Try to check your boyfriend's prostate just once and suddenly you're "taking things too far", have "sharp nails" or are a "finger sniffer".
Sometimes I tell people I'm from Brazil. Because then it makes more sense when I act like a total whore.
Taco Bell is introducing the new "Pacific Shrimp Taco" because it just isn't food poisoning unless shellfish is involved.
I really thought I wanted a career. Turns out that I just like it when men hand me money for having no morals.
The sex offenders website shows literally thousands of offenders in my area. But yet I'm still single. FML
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