I've got to go & do a boring job in a relatively small space with a man who's disgruntled at me to say the least.

Adulthood in a nutshell..

Congrats @ohmyjad! @drewdrue picked your tweet as Tweet of the Day:  http://favstar.fm/t/335509834717880320 …

If your phone gets wet, try putting it in a bag of dry rice. At night, the rice will attract Asians who will fix your electronics for you .

I can overlook someone’s flaws but in the end if I can’t trust them, they’re completely worthless to me.

I heard that if you still live with your parents at aged 40, your virginity grows back. So, every cloud..

I failed the River Dance auditions twice because I can't swim.

Consistency is great unless you're a constant disappointment to everyone.

girls always use the same dumb pickup lines on me, sayin' things like "ugh" or "what's your friend's name?" Some originality would be nice.

i don't understand why they call them drumsticks. they look nothing at all like chicken legs.

Ladies, stick a tampon behind your ear and when someone tells you it’s there, say “Oh shit, where’s my pen?”

EVERYONE GROUP HUG!

...

*flings grenade*

I want Christopher Walken to write me a letter just so I can count the commas.

Somewhere someone is realizing following me was the worst decision ever.

I can't wait to get off work so I can take off my clothes and run around naked!

When you think you have a connection with someone only to find out that the connection is one sided…that’s a different type of heartbreak.

You and me.

You & me.

You n me.

You in me. There we go.

Opened the blinds & discovered that the seasons have changed since I logged onto twitter.

I have had a VERY exciting weekend. It wasn't this one, but I have had one.

I'm sorry if my tattoos offend you!

I'll just be over here, continuing to not give a FUCK & living my life!

If you think I'm disappointing I'll try my hardest to be more of a disappointment, because I wouldn't want to disappoint you.