My favorite Quote from a Movie is "Ahhhh Ahhhh harder"

you know what will never make headlines?.. Botox

Hurricane Patrick in 2011..
Hurricane Sandy in 2012..
Whats next? Hurricane Spongebob 2013?

I put the sex in Hi

I bet homeless people think we're making fun of them when we go camping

it's ironic that most women are attracted to assholes, but rarely agree to anal.

it feels so wrong throwing a used condom in a Hello Kitty Trash can

Spiderman: Just another guy who ends up with sticky hands after using the web

To reboot, take off your boots and put them on again

I KNOW YOU'RE YELLING THIS TWEET IN YOUR HEAD

It seems that the rape advice hot line is only for victims :(

my wife gets upset when I use the word cunt.. i guess I should make the effort to learn her mother's real name

Whenever you're feeling powerless, just remember that just one of your turds can shut down a whole swimming pool.

Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put on the wrong socks by mistake

Women, be thankful for tits. We just have balls. No one wants to see them, they can't get us free stuff or overshadow a lame personality

So I was watching amateur Porn and a bird landed on my telescope

I don’t have a problem buying tampons for my girlfriend but apparently these are not nice presents

My wife has her mother's eyes.. and Vagina

I have a pornographic memory

I have Agoraphobia and Claustrophobia, I also have OCD, so I'm annoyed that I don't have a phobia that starts with 'B'