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  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Boyfriend hasn't smoked in 3 days. Oh, by all means YOU congratulate him; I'm too busy packing up my shit.

    • 156
    • FAVS
    cumbersomeoneMrT1Mtheschmeltzroadkill3xUrbanDouchebagGregMillagrumpysalmonMyPOFdiaries
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    GregMillaredpawn3TheGrimKingMIzzDezGColleywood86shkeeber
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    The only thing I've had to eat since Thursday night is pizza; I'm just an active sex life short of being a college student.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    cumbersomeoneElgatoEsmioMrT1MFredPollackLilbyrdyDumbassadorMSCHVS2trumpthechump
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    rustoleum1theschmeltzpinkster_hattGregMillaTheGrimKing23_Liesfavstar100
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Hillary Clinton plans to visit Chile to observe aftermath of quake, but WE ALL KNOW it's not a REAL tragedy until Brangelina shows up. Duh.

    • 75
    • FAVS
    MrT1Mtheschmeltzroadkill3xGregMillagrumpysalmonHeyZeus666Drangulamy_boy_joey
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    These Olympic athletes aren't talented at all! Oh my bad, I accidentally switched it over to American Idol. How embarrassing!

    • 66
    • FAVS
    MrT1Mtheschmeltzroadkill3xGregMillamy_boy_joeychopper4jk23_Liesshkeeber
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GregMilla
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    I don't mean to brag or anything, but some of the dishes in the sink have been in there since Christmas :)

    • 62
    • FAVS
    cumbersomeoneMrT1MtheschmeltzGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesBOOB_STATUSshkeeber
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    GregMillashkeeber
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    There's going to be a Toy Story 3? Do we finally get to meet Andy's dad? Watch it be Darth Vader. Just watch. I'd bet money on it.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    cumbersomeoneMrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellavegasthehardway
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GregMilla
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Apparently shitty grammatical usage and semantics are trending.

    • 56
    • FAVS
    cumbersomeoneMrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joeyshanetheveinsuziqkelley23_Liesdannydogmouth
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    GregMillasuziqkelleyfavstar50
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Some of us like to end tweets with "Fellas?" or "Ladies?" I propose the bisexual "Felladies?" You must admit, it's catchy.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellaVerifiedDrunkScibbity
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    sarasutherlandxGregMilla
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Your Mom could probably win six different SAG Awards for her left breast alone.

    • 48
    • FAVS
    cumbersomeoneMrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellaVerifiedDrunk
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Fuck! I keep missing the part in this Taylor Swift song where you're supposed to kill yourself for listening to it in the first place.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthvegasthehardwayVerifiedDrunkTitty_Katz
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GregMilla
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Pretty sure my dog has a drinking problem because every time I spill my drink, she licks it off the ground before I can.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joeyCrickleNJJulieWahoomurderbytweets23_Liesdannydogmouth
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    GregMilla23_Lies
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    I prefer the Summer Olympics. At least there's that classy "maybe he is, maybe he isn't"-ness to the gay guys.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joeyshanethevein23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellaVerifiedDrunk
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GregMilla
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    Just realized I've made two jokes about Helen Keller in under a week. It's official: I'm going to HELL.

    • 42
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellaVerifiedDrunkPauly_Miller
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    My sex life is a lot like God. Yeah, around my friends I talk it up like a big deal, but in reality, it's nonexistent.

    • 41
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthVerifiedDrunkMellDolajackmackenroth
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    I think kitchen items only get happy names to keep suicidal housewives hopeful. Like JOY Antibacterial Liquid Soap and GLAD ware. Ya'know?

    • 38
    • FAVS
    MrT1Mmy_boy_joeydannydogmouthHormonellaVerifiedDrunkTitty_KatzmzjleeScibbity
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    I could never be "the gay guy" on a reality show. I lack the lisp when I talk, and I'm pretty sure that's a prerequisite.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellamzjleeMellDola
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    GregMilla
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    I'm almost halfway through this Reba McEntire song and I haven't even started cutting myself yet.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    MrT1MGregMillamy_boy_joeydannydogmouthHormonellaVerifiedDrunkmzjleebrinomite
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    The term "I Told you so" is a naturally reoccurring phenomenon in my life. So is the untimely death of those who say it to me.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    MrT1Mmy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellavegasthehardwayTitty_Katzbrinomite
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    I wish a killer whale would flop up on stage and maul Ryan Seacrest. Just sayin.

    • 35
    • FAVS
    MrT1Mmy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellaScibbityNikHimselfbrinomite
  • OHguy7
      Jordan @OHguy7

    At least all of the Haiti orphans can breathe a sigh of relief knowing they'll never have to call Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt, mommy & daddy

    • 33
    • FAVS
    MrT1Mmy_boy_joey23_LiesdannydogmouthHormonellatnylgnpenblethblatantldl
@OHguy7

@OHguy7

Yes. yes, very nice. I just knew this god complex was going to fit me perfectly.