I consistently overpack. This way, I can always overstay my welcome.

I'm really glad the Weather Channel has issued the tropical storm watch advisory in all caps. Now I know this is serious business. Thx.

Call meh now fer yer free readin'.

💩. Back and forth. Forever.

Got out of Target for less than a hundred bucks? This must be my lucky night for Powerball.

Break it down, bitch. It's #FuckingGoodthrustFriday. 🎉

@rob_swire fuck yeah! Pirate ship bed. http://t.co/xGErdrMa

#catsex (thanks @dapswebsite) http://t.co/ksbYM24h

I hate your Powerballs.

@crab_newberry 🔫 Hand over the cake and no one gets hurt.

Slut tourney! 🎰

@crab_newberry Are you saying that I drive a Suzuki?? I'm not rage boarding anyone in that piece of shit.

Why did I just watch a video on baby sloths doing their "poo dance"? And why did the lady in the video have to say "poop chute"? Not right.

I had a dream that I bought #OPcat a Bane mask to wear. He liked it.

Nice cake. pic.twitter.com/VFnABF6K

Feed me unlimited Thin Mints.

It's sad when I think that I've got mail and instead it's from Fresh Step kitty litter. My cat gets more relevant email than I do...

I didn't see Goodthrust/Bulldog on my ballot, but i saw Roseanne. Someone dropped the ball.

The picture makes translating the warning unnecessary. And here I was expecting to see diseased lungs, not impotence. http://t.co/iOxgaLKC

I'm bored. Mildly drunk. Entertain me.