Had a Christian, whose profile states that the world "just needs more kindness," tell me to kill myself because I'm an atheist.

Fantastic.

"This much crazy in one place is bound to have consequences..."

And that, kids, is precisely how Twitter was created.

My problem isn't that I don't know what I want to do with my life, but instead that I want to do everything and don't know where to start.

I'm the type of person driving on the interstate who thinks of slow vehicles as obstacles & fast ones as opponents. Cops add more strategy.

Distance is such a bitch.

I was just passed by a hearse going 90mph. Is it too crass to say that I think they're running late for a funeral?

Serious conversations should always include excessive eyebrow communication.

I really like that I follow a bunch of weirdos.

I apologize for inappropriately responding to your extremey private conversation over twitter... But I'm a creeper and you should've DM'd.

I'm glad that churches are so lavish. Otherwise I might think the religious were supposed to be humble or something...

If sex can ruin your friendship then you either have a weak relationship, some cataclysmic emotional instability, or just really bad sex.

My phone auto-corrected a misspelled "traffic" into "triffids," so now I'm looking for murderous plants casually strolling along nearby.

I know I didn't sleep well because I'm putting most people into a Venn diagram... pic.twitter.com/lQUcoxN3

Objective perfection is delusional.

Subjective perfection is variable.

We all see things differently.

It's interesting to have conversations considering who you think you are, who they think you are, and who you really are. Humans are a mess.

Four hours of sleep and a fourteen hour workday.


This is not a bright idea.

Republicans give me Tourette's.

Listening to rightwing radio espouse how Obama is anti-American would be hilarious if they didn't actually believe their own rhetoric.

Every time I close my eyes, it's like a dark paradise. No one compares to you, but there's no you, except in my dreams tonight...

If only my metabolism could keep up with the Mach speed of my eating...