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Husband eating cheese popcorn, I'm drinking coffee. We kissed and invented a taste profile that foodies would pay $50 a pop to experience.
"Footloose and fancy-free" takes on new meaning when you've just finished a 9km walk and stink like a badger.
My life feels like the totality of those moments between waking and the first cup of coffee. I tell her this and she walks away even faster.
I organized all the receipts in my wallet. You know, to kind of spice up my day.
Vagina is my favorite perennial ;-)
Guy Fieri is married to Gal Fieri.
I have to think a couple generations down, people are going to look at things like distressed clothing and photo filters as terribly sad.
I don't exactly jump out of bed.
It's more like a slow, methodical crawl.
it's morning.. fuckers..
Watched '300' last night and was inspired to attempt another situp.
Mid-point of a lovely long weekend... And guess who's sick?
Guess. It's OK, I'll wait.
On a scale from Anne Frank to Osama Bin Laden, how good are you at hide-n-seek?
Those stupid anti-smoking commercials just make me want a cigarette.
It's raining so hard right now that I expect to see John Cusack getting dumped by some woman out of his league when I look out my window.
I know that the Summers are getting hotter and hotter every year, but I really do think that your shorts should be longer than your vagina.
The only thing I've done so far at work today is ask for tomorrow off.
I told her I wrote car ads. She laughed and choked on her gum. I said, So you know my work then. She bought me a drink because she felt pity
It's a thinker. Stay with it...
"I'd love it if Letang married someone whose last name was Poon."
Catcher in the rye with a dash of techno and parental responsibility thrown in for good measure. Once had a Twitter interaction with Amy Adams.