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A Parisian whore, found dead in the home of a wealthy aristocrat, surrounded by croissants. "Hercule Poirot and the #GentlemansBreakfast"
Having one of those self loathing days where I just want to go hang out with Ann Coulter.
I had a guest at work tonight ask me if the cook took a shit on his steak. Real talk. Seriously concerned about shit/steak ratio. #Kony2012
I've decided to start the Twitter again, at least for a moment. Perhaps literally just a moment. Like this is my last tweet ever. Don't cry.
I watch #TheRealHousewivesOfAtlanta. I say this to you with no shame our inner cringe. I am a man and I love these dysfunctional bitches.
All this time I thought they were saying "Kitty Porn"! Anyone wanna buy three Siamese and some (gently used) cat-sized ball gags?