The Italian economy must be really bad. They can't even afford to buy referees anymore.

#obligatoryCagejoke I heard Nicholas Cage beat his wife with a wooden object. Probably his acting.

If the rapture goes fast, is it a Velocirapture? #rimshot

#starwarsday should be the day kids dress up and go door to door, humming the imperial march.

Twitter is like a great big orgy with strangers. On facebook it just gets awkward, because your family is there.

My phone not having a signal can only mean one thing. Invasion. #PhantomMenaceLogic

Just saw someone suggest Shia Labeouf as a young Han Solo, and now I'm cleaning up the blood.

"George, people online are rioting over the blu-ray changes."
GL: "Will they still buy it?"
"...Yes."
GL: "Continue, add more Jar Jar."

Have you ever looked at society around you and wondered 'what the fuck'?

"If one man can show so much hatred, imagine how much love we can show together." - Utøya survivor. #fornorway

Next time I see a Harry Potter movie I'll be disappointed if Voldemort doesn't start every sentence with "[blank] is trending".

If you turn me down, I shall become more awkward than you can possibly imagine.

To the women who say "don't hate me because I'm beautiful": People hate you because you let your beauty turn you into an arrogant bitch.

#AllRelationshipsNeed THOR (Trust, Honesty, Openness, Respect)

Fitting that Bin Laden was killed by men who probably were kids in 2001 and grew up in the aftermath. #hedidthistohimself

Those who forget the past are doomed to relive it. So I'm trying desperately to forget that I've had sex.

Instead of wasting time on celebs, maybe we should focus on the important things in life. Like how Stephen Hawking is slowly becoming Davros

Today is the one-year anniversary of the bombing and shooting in Norway where 77 people were killed, most of them under 20. #Oslo #utøya

You know what I like about people? Yeah, me neither.

You know you live in a sad world when minor Harry Potter characters can trend, but #darthvader can not.