Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
There is no such thing as a runner's high. It's the relief of not dying.
I've lived with sensitive women for so long that I don't even feel comfortable calling my salsa chunky anymore.
Don't be silly. I don't think every subtweet is about me; only the negative ones.
Always the Gatorade, never the gator
I'm having one of those lives.
Saw a guy with three lip-ring piercings on the subway today. Took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain.
My instinct is to call men I don't know "sir," women I don't know "ma'am," and kids I don't know "you little shit."
Negra Modelo is my favorite beer that sounds like my dad describing Tyra Banks to a Mexican.
If you can't handle me at my worst then it looks like we have something in common.
Where Are They Now: Your Sunglasses
Is it "de-friend" or "un-friend"? Anyhoo, so I just murdered this casual acquaintance...
CNN is reporting Boston bombing suspect is now dating Manti Te'o.
I won't let my failure to win a Pulitzer yesterday change me. If anything, it will invigorate me to continue failing at things.
"6 million."-Justin Bieber Quoting his Latest Album Sales
Talk to the scalp ‘cause the face ain’t lookin' up from my phone.
Girl are you the war in Afghanistan because this is taking forever
Roofies, but for your family so they sleep late and you can have a nice morning.
I do shut-up comedy. (I write jokes on Twitter and avoid real life conversation) My mother's Italian, my father's Jewish and I should be in therapy.