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Baby, it's cold outside. Now let me explain how this disproves the libtard hippie theory of (exaggerated quotes) "Global Warming."
I'm buying this book by the brilliant @sixthformpoet and you should too. http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1849533199/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&pf_rd_ …
Please respect our family's privacy during this difficult time that I detailed in a FB post so long you have to click more to read it all.
Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house and has to cross an ocean to get to Mexico. Why has no one asked to see her birth certificate?
Current Facebook status: If you make me a Facebook "thank you" video I will unfriend you and everyone you hold dear.
Watching Inglourious Basterds for the millionth time and this still holds true.
I just told my girl cat that my boy cat would stop bugging her if she would just kiss him. I'm part of the problem.
When God closes a door his cat gets pissed as hell.
I like when the TV explains football plays using X's and O's because I still don't understand it but it makes me feel loved.
You keep saying "the cold never bothered me anyway." That's good, Elsa, but I'm your therapist. Let's talk about what IS bothering you.
The best thing about being an adult on a Friday night is that you can do whatever you want and just stay the fuck home.
What's it like to work an office job? It's like getting a full 8 hours of sleep each night if the sleep were made up entirely of nightmares.
The Disney Store calls Black Friday "Magical Friday." It used to be called "Jew Friday" because of the sales but that name died with Walt.
The only way it would be funny to make jokes about Michael Phelps for dating someone born intersex is if you replaced "Michael" with "Fred."
Imagine explaining to someone who lived through the Great Depression that there are people who buy followers on Twitter.
A lot of "jokes" about Michael Phelps' girlfriend being born a man are really letting me know which people on Twitter were raised ignorant.
When Twitter stops being fun for you the best thing to do is to think about it for awhile but not actually do anything about it.
My mother's Italian, my father's Jewish and I should be in therapy.