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*passive aggressively favs someone's funny reply to your tweet but not your tweet itself*
If there's one thing I've learned today it's how to correctly spell Idris Elba.
This is awesome, @daveholmes https://twitter.com/daveholmes/status/638785572895637504 …
Also no offense but "Kentucky Clerk" makes you sound like you're Colonel Sanders's administrative assistant.
4-times-married Kim Davis's views make a lot of sense if you believe that the only way to stop a gay marriage is with a straight marriage.
Breaking: Headmaster Trumpledore proposes wall around Hogwarts to keep muggles out
Just tried to retweet my own tweet and now I know what it feels like to be Kanye.
Don't call me a comedian. I'm an immature idiot who makes jokes online for no pay under a pseudonym and gets sad when they do poorly.
When you say something racist and then try to justify why it's not actually racist that's called Foxplaining.
Just heard someone refer to Donald Trump as a straw man so if you'll excuse me I'll be spending the afternoon imagining him on fire.
A 4-times divorced homophobe wanting to preserve the sanctity of marriage is like a serial killer wanting to preserve the sanctity of life.
Breaking: James Bond author says Idris Elba 'too street' to play 007, gets offered job at Fox News
My boss just handed me a letter opener and said "Careful. You could kill someone with that" so I'm like hey thanks for giving me permission.
Ann Coulter called Trump being the GOP frontrunner a dream come true. This from a woman who regularly fantasizes about slaughtering puppies.
Should've been telling that, as a kid, I'd name my Oregon Trail party members after my hopes and dreams so I could watch them slowly die.
The people mad at Obama for renaming Mount McKinley Denali are the same people who renamed Hawaii Kenya when Obama was running for POTUS.
Someone make a Venn diagram of people angry about Mt. McKinley being renamed and people who know where Mt. McKinley is located. I'll wait.
You're dead to me if you don't vote for my beloved @daliamalek https://twitter.com/daliamalek/status/638116400607940609 …
My mother's Italian, my father's Jewish and I should be in therapy.
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