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Instead of Black Friday they should call it Idiots Friday.
There should be a month like Movember where men have to grow beards. Not for any noble cause I just think men look better with beards.
Probably the best thing about quitting booze is feeling superior to friends and colleagues who have hangovers today.
The people who tweet on Black Friday are the real American heroes.
Happy Black Friday don't miss out on all the deals on cheap tweets about racist uncles at dinner last night.
"I mean if you do the math the most weight I can really gain from the pound of pumpkin pie I ate tonight is only one pound" I thought fatly.
Ok Thanksgiving is over you can stop pretending turkey is good.
In case you forgot what turkey looks like you can go check out Facebook rn
Say Friendsgiving one more fucking time I dare you
My mother's Italian, my father's Jewish and I should be in therapy. Valar morghulis.
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