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My fridge is covered with my artwork and I can watch the same movies over and over again. I am so ready to be a mother to myself.
Saw a couple of male ducks walking side by side down the sidewalk and I smiled. The South isn't as backwards and homophobic as I thought.
The old dude who changed my oil today complimented my paisley rain boots so guess who just earned himself a repeat customer?
"Everything looks worse in black and white." -Paul Simon, choosing an Instagram filter
I'm Jewish so I get my candy from the Esther Bunny.
A coworker is complaining about not "getting off" on Good Friday and I'm like wow you kiss your Lord and Savior with that mouth?
Some conservatives are asking if Chelsea Clinton is pro-choice why is she having the baby? That's it. That's the joke.
Happy Hood Friday to all my thugs and gangstas.
Good Friday is just a regular Friday who doesn't break curfew or smoke weed.
My coworker who won't see Noah because it's "historically inaccurate" is sad because she loved Gladiator so much.
My Southern Baptist coworkers haven't SEEN Noah because they "wouldn't pay money to see such a historically inaccurate film." This is real.
Listening to my Southern Baptist coworkers talking about how wrong it was to let some ignorant atheist make "Noah" how's your Friday?
Chelsea Clinton is pregnant and my dad is already trying to convince me that the baby killed Vince Foster.
I own 20 pairs of pj pants and zero hairbrushes. Sorry, but I am spoken for.
On the phone with an insurance rep named Chad so at least someone has it worse than me.
Why do today what you can put off until your password actually expires?
I refer to all the paperwork on my desk as white trash.
Glad my coworker just told me that I'm short or I might never have known.
My mother's Italian, my father's Jewish and I should be in therapy.