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"Tighter shirts. No. Tighter than that." -Detective Benson's wardrobe person
I've adopted all of my pets but I plan on having my own children because I'm only comfortable destroying something I've created.
What idiot decided to call it having sex through a hole in a sheet rather than panty-Semitic? I'm not a comedian.
Imagine supervisors were as cool as their title sounds.
I like my coffee how I like my coworkers. I don't drink coffee.
My coworker's baby is named Linda which is strange because I thought all Lindas were born as secretaries in their mid-fifties.
My favorite thing about Twitter is seeing people make Jew puns with 5000 retweets that I made in Hebrew school when I was 7.
I want other people in the streets and me in the sheets.
The Expendables 3: Live 3 Or Die Hard
My boss just told me to be proactive. Is that like pro-life where it doesn't really mean what it sounds like it means?
🎶 Pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at supper time. With America's obesity problem that much pizza should be a crime. 🎶
Be the Bellatrix Lestrange you wish to see in the world.
A friend posted a picture of her bromeliads today and I got super excited because I got to comment bromeliads before homeliads.
My mother's Italian, my father's Jewish and I should be in therapy.