You know one thing $600 million can't buy? Friendship. Just kidding we'll definitely be your friend if you win. You're the best!

New Old Spice shave gel is newer than both Ladies AND Lasers.  http://bit.ly/beardOS 

Scientific Internet Proof that alien technology isn't as advanced as new Old Spice shave gel: … http://flying-saucers.aintnewerthannewoldspiceshavegel.com/ 

Have you ever wished Old Spice made a shaving gel for unwanted hairs? Wish granted.  http://bit.ly/beardOS 

You each get one guess as to who this is. Clue: He's coming to the internet soon.  https://vine.co/v/b0EXxFn5eKU 

Sometimes I think about the constantly expanding nature of the universe and about the blah blah blah churros. pic.twitter.com/v7hG6s3WiV

We made the world's first smellable banner ad. Click it. Receive it. Smell it a billion times.  http://bit.ly/scrtchns 

Click here to be the first person in human history to smell the internet.  http://bit.ly/scrtchns 

Click to get the world's 1st smellable banner ad and be part of the Internet Smells Museum when it starts to exist.  http://bit.ly/scrtchns 

Never hire an owl with spectacles as your accountant. They seem wise, but can’t speak Human or operate calculators. pic.twitter.com/gElI0KdLtG

Without skin you’d constantly be chased by angry mobs with pitchforks. Thank your skin with new Old Spice bar soap.  http://bit.ly/Water15 

The smellevator to success is out of order, you must take the shower. Succeed at showering, with our new bar soap.  http://bit.ly/soap30 

We make bar soap now. It's like our liquid soap, but hardened and pressed into a bar. Congrats! You’re welcome.  http://bitly.com/soap30 

If there was ever a time to cash in all your college savings and fill your garage with bar soap, that time is now.  http://bit.ly/Water15 

Two wrongs don’t make a bar of soap. We do. New Old Spice bar soap. It’s something we make now.  http://bit.ly/soap30 

@mindykaling Is it tough being both a funny, beautiful actress and also a strong, masculine Old Spice man?

Today I'm sailing my yacht made out of meat. April Fools! You can't sail meat yachts. I know because I'm underwater. pic.twitter.com/ObnR6v1Nmk

Don't understand why people still need CDs when Old Spice is music to the nostrils.

Never bring a knife to a gunfight, unless you think there will be steak served there. In which case you should bring a favorite steak knife.

Time-saving tip: instead of having a bunch of little thoughts throughout the day, just think everything at once.