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My dad wins 10 bucks on a lottery ticket, kisses the ticket and says "I'm retiring."
Somebody will spit on my face as they speak to me and I'll wipe it off like 2 minutes later cause I don't want to make them feel bad lol 💦🙍
My cats name is Kitty but she also answers to shitty and titty and I think that's pretty funny.
I don't even know how half the girls who constantly tweet about their boy problems even have boys to complain about in the first place...
Trying to convince myself this pimple above my lip makes me look like Cindy Crawford