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Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces.
I am going to the liquor store and I'm afraid that it might be closed.
I just had an Egg ask me if I wanted to have sex? No I will wait till you become a chick if you don't mind
My neighbors dog just shit on my lawn So im gonna step in it and go visit them
Somewhere someone just named their kid Eleven
My parents used to call me special and I loved it. Then I found out what they meant:(
I Spent $50 on a penis enlarger -- Bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
Instructions said don't use in the sunlight.
You followed me, I followed back. Then you unfollowed me? Fuck you!
So the slum lord wants to show the apartment next door . Time to dig a hole in my back yard and put up the crime scene tape again!
My neighbor turned me in for chickens in my basement Good thing they didnt know they were fertilizer for the pot in the attic
I just made a 3 egg omelet and lost 3 followers, Coincidence? I dont think so.
Every time I think I've got the perfect family they escape.
Sometimes I close twitter and open it again Just to see if you are all still here
A singer dies and the white house is all over it. A soldier dies and not a word is said. This is very sad:(
I have a permit to carry. Just thought you would like to know. Now what were you saying?
If you have an Uncle who always insists on sitting at the child's table for Christmas dinner. Consider a background check!
again twitter unfollowing people Who do you think you are my parents?
Just coughed up a Flintstones vitamin Strange thing is haven't had one since 1966
Should the grow lights be kept on 24x7 for marijuana plants?Asking for a friend.
Sorry but I cannot follow eggs Doctors orders
If your out here begging for followers you must be a politician in training
I love my followers so much I sneak into their houses at night Just to take pics for my album:) Go #Phillies,#Eagles n #Flyers