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I took a nap that was 41 tweets long.
It would be really funny if Oprah married Deepak Chopra because, well, you know.
That itch that is buried deep in the bottom of your foot that you can't scratch no matter how hard you try? I work with her.
If I'd pursued just about anything in my life with the unerring attention I can't stop giving this hangnail right now, I'd be somebody.
Some old fat guy in a red suit sitting by a bucket ringing a bell called me a Ho today. Three times. WTF.
Me and the hub went out to play in the new snow. Was really fun for about four minutes. Then we just felt like two old cold people.
Why do I shower off all these expensive aromatic creams and lotions and then just put them back on?
Wow, it's 4:20. Seems like there was something I was supposed to do but I forget what it was... Where's the Doritos?
Sometimes when bunches of people die, I wonder what God has going on. Dennis Hopper and Gary Coleman... a weird remake of Fantasy Island?
Mixed my contacts up this morning and got them in the wrong eyes. Gonna be a good day, I can see that. Oh, wait... no I can't
The fact that there are actually cannibals in the world keeps eating at me.
Eye appointment in the am. Then driver's license photo. With dilated pupils... LOL Will come in way handy next time I get pulled over, no?!
I think it's cool that there's a word for everything. It's "everything."
C'mon, coffee. We can do this if you just play along.
Thought my Twitter was broken and then I remembered I muted everybody.
We'll tell our grandkids that we were all Twitter addicts and that we never truly recovered. They'll pat our heads say "Their, their..."
The truly great thing about Life is that it gives you a new opportunity to screw things up every single day!
When you get tired of the drama and the cleavage and all that, I'll still be here. Senile, but here.
Show me on this tweet where the hashtag touched you.
She's got the devil in her eyes... Only one way to exorcise him... One wink at a time ~ The Replacements ~ https://t.co/a5eQDS28Td
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