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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 5,542
    • LIKES
    JusatanoldguyshmoothRedScorpioMoonAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_2Sassy4321my_almond_joyheyevergreen
    • 3,910
    • RETWEETS
    YamiNoHouEshmoothBirdhummsRedScorpioMoonAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_alex_perez012Sassy4321
    li4mst3w4rtweirdboxkidclemdytanBwanaChrisRandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79__Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 5,183
    • LIKES
    Smith2RobAimeeHelene1yajtylerAlexTheAlkyT_Bonezzz_Inferno_V2Sassy4321just1fool
    • 3,338
    • RETWEETS
    Smith2RobAimeeHelene1Go2SlpT_Bonezzz_Inferno_Valex_perez01just1foolmy_almond_joy
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 4,180
    • LIKES
    Smith2Rob_ManyuAbhicreepyfarismithcarlousImperfect_KaranAimeeHelene1msbtxlovejulieacafe
    • 3,154
    • RETWEETS
    999JuJu999Smith2RobKalHiFornicatedkaajukatli_Imperfect_KaranMariamMunir_AAimeeHelene1lovejulieacafe
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,853
    • LIKES
    Beakmoolisa_slothrosiebee93Liberal_Papi_ashhstevensxoBlackJermsGirliegurllDalalism
    • 2,945
    • RETWEETS
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    ANNIEwayyyyshamans_healTheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 3,009
    • LIKES
    Equality1975rona65IAmNWonderlandMariamMunir_AMissMalbecAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_HatfieldAnne
    • 1,955
    • RETWEETS
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    GreeneyedMofo__TheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,852
    • LIKES
    HarmonjsemilypittfanAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_Inferno_Vjust1foolmy_almond_joyheyevergreen
    • 2,104
    • RETWEETS
    HarmonjsDanInPittsburghpghguyinvaAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_Inferno_Vjust1foolmy_almond_joy
    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawg__SweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,384
    • LIKES
    creepyfarimazizkhalifaAimeeHelene1juneohara65T_Bonezzz_my_almond_joyheyevergreenlasergirl70
    • 1,595
    • RETWEETS
    creepyfariMariamMunir_AAimeeHelene1juneohara65T_Bonezzz_my_almond_joyParkerlawyertalknerdyDMU
    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23__HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,484
    • LIKES
    MariamMunir_Abj_flemmingAimeeHelene1juneohara65T_Bonezzz_Donna_McCoymy_almond_joyheyevergreen
    • 1,402
    • RETWEETS
    MariamMunir_AAimeeHelene1juneohara65T_Bonezzz_my_almond_joyParkerlawyerBriarSlyMalicelasergirl70
    DiamondLou69RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 2,109
    • LIKES
    hammerseviltwinnotmargot663SPAC3CRAFBirdhummsAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeep
    • 1,126
    • RETWEETS
    notmargot663SPAC3CRAFBirdhummsAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_ThRealBallsDeepCrunk_Jews__DiamondLou69
    PoblicMenacethetobbieSharpeBytesMsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopup__KittySaysMeeowweathrgirlmargeNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 2,088
    • LIKES
    AndreaC242ProudFFAalumniTwittahYoozahPickledillemmaroyalpinefresh15haelwesblizakAntonyPuzzello
    • 1,123
    • RETWEETS
    ProudFFAalumni_soulfullofloveAntonyPuzzelloThe_SculptressMAKKARROMADr_powpowAimeeHelene1candygrlMT
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,970
    • LIKES
    peacelovetonmstanish53Birdhummsspice_dixieAimeeHelene1Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepalex_perez01
    • 1,141
    • RETWEETS
    999JuJu999peacelovetonmstanish53BirdhummsAimeeHelene1Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepalex_perez01
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,889
    • LIKES
    danielle_0827AimeeHelene1juneohara65Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepheyevergreendizzblndbetowmx
    • 970
    • RETWEETS
    AimeeHelene1juneohara65Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepbetowmxMartaEffingk_cycymarcia_bee
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,664
    • LIKES
    BillCapHillBurgoaLilianHector_SrslymelsrockkpileAimeeHelene1Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepheyevergreen
    • 834
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    MourningGlory___Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,622
    • LIKES
    GutterTheGreatAimeeHelene1Inferno_VDonna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepheyevergreenCrunk_Jews__dizzblnd
    • 779
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    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,506
    • LIKES
    AimeeHelene1Inferno_VDonna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepheyevergreendizzblndDiamondLou69MartaEffing
    • 527
    • RETWEETS
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    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,158
    • LIKES
    numbmacchiatoDanielAshley13Hector_SrslyAimeeHelene1juneohara65Donna_McCoyThRealBallsDeepheyevergreen
    • 556
    • RETWEETS
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    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,136
    • LIKES
    numbmacchiatosophienuuttallDanielAshley13Hector_SrslyAimeeHelene1Donna_McCoyheyevergreendizzblnd
    • 536
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    numbmacchiatoHector_SrslyAimeeHelene1MartaEffingmarcia_beesamfromkscollo_worldAngrytrashman
    samiam604SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,201
    • LIKES
    vyoletmatreptweetshoney07starmikeytheweaselAimeeHelene1Donna_McCoyheyevergreendizzblnd
    • 465
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    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,157
    • LIKES
    MariamMunir_AheyevergreendizzblndMartaEffingsamfromksANNIEwayyyycollo_worldAngrytrashman
    • 468
    • RETWEETS
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    mamatomy3tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,168
    • LIKES
    heyevergreendizzblndDiamondLou69MartaEffingANNIEwayyyycollo_worldAngrytrashmanVoiceofgarth
    • 433
    • RETWEETS
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    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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