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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,615
    • FAVS
    trickortreat_btsitsundercatscriseulalio72MoodymimzymattZillaaaaMandiAtRandommikiebigbooms73
    • 3,281
    • RETWEETS
    vodge55WanderingLeomattZillaaaamikiebigboojamevans11GeneralAshnakwanderviolet82ryanselfbeer
    RandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 4,331
    • FAVS
    trickortreat_btARedHuntingHatSumaneshSaysDunkelMaryRhinoURmallsterKerseyTonyjenniluwho
    • 2,695
    • RETWEETS
    trickortreat_btSumaneshSaysott_scottRhinoURKerseyTonyjenniluwholauraleeksmithmattZillaaaa
    _jennjennthetobbieKendellMaddenTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayneDsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,636
    • FAVS
    MandiAtRandomspecialsquidi_wasnt_lookingAngryKoalaFruitsgerdAsYouNotWishAnnekinnspowpowkitty
    • 2,754
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingclick2pawannkerkerrysgerdAnnekinnserinmelishProudFFAalumnitiffnajera89
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,125
    • FAVS
    emilysilasMichele82178556howaproposMandiAtRandomcarospellmanalpharetweeti_wasnt_lookingColinJTosh
    • 2,411
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingMichele82178556lcgoonaMandiAtRandomzacherysilasTheMadCriticsassypants977Annekinns
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,675
    • FAVS
    MandiAtRandomi_wasnt_lookingglenn16755164Al_TimiterRebound_GirlWoz8005TheMadCriticVictorscarletJ
    • 1,999
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingWoz8005TheMadCritickarenphotogAnnekinnsRobWeb79Dtwitmorlhqr__
    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,503
    • FAVS
    OnceJaydePankajK86djphredprjeanholtonGenuineExpress6SLupin1969The_G_89caribelli
    • 1,575
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingPankajK86caribellitonyvernaItalianBratikusdork_adamprof_mostafaeternalita24
    Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,217
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingAndreaC242ProudFFAalumniRobWeb79howe007Burds_1BlackCheesePieBeingHuman79
    • 1,198
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingProudFFAalumniRobWeb79noneofyours99baby_bish_HarmonyRamblesTRBLmakerJBSwarriorgiggles
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mHeyZeus666heated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 1,972
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingCyd10eblood_orphanShizzle77MoltoPensierosolackluster30MissNaughty1801CrazzzyKen
    • 1,285
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingCyd10eShizzle77MoltoPensierosoCrazzzyKenRobWeb79MelissaJoy33dollfaceiam
    peachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,809
    • FAVS
    TheSarumamwesh22Miss_Kris85Rahulthapa07sdub2001mattZillaaaaSDPlissken1i_wasnt_looking
    • 1,019
    • RETWEETS
    Miss_Kris85mattZillaaaai_wasnt_lookingmaaroufsalemRobWeb79MelissaJoy33EisaOuscantwitwontwit
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,844
    • FAVS
    MandiAtRandomroboclickIIIi_wasnt_lookingSCGreyBearddanverjamSingleGirlAlertDrMcBoobMauriceBlitz
    • 920
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingdanverjamSingleGirlAlertdeepeceSkunkMunchiesHitesh1436Soy_ITOMontagueBrench
    MsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopupKittySaysMeeowSleepsinwetspotNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,714
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookinghoneybadgerMelSDPlissken1howe007Lu56788TerseLiltsVeroMoreno22dillingerdad
    • 880
    • RETWEETS
    TerseLiltsmangochow1elizabethodom89SteveBenson1hollandnick91EisaOuslombardom7007its33me33
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,711
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingMakesYouGigglemlungy19thatsmrlush2uUnderchildeGOLD1EGLOCKSAsYouNotWishKellster86
    • 856
    • RETWEETS
    i_wasnt_lookingmlungy19UnderchildeBelleVie73taunyabeeHShep101616caroled2t_tuufuli
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,511
    • FAVS
    MandiAtRandomRobWeb79CynchMooreMelissaJoy33LindaInDisguiseKimberlu2Robert_RenoirWynema_Vanzant
    • 729
    • RETWEETS
    RobWeb79CynchMooreBaronKimaruelizabethodom89SarcasiliciousSteveBenson1edschottsBeingHuman79
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,383
    • FAVS
    RobWeb79MelissaJoy33Burds_1TammyLugoRobert_RenoirVeroMoreno22didntaskyouEnigmaNetxx
    • 623
    • RETWEETS
    MelissaJoy33fadel_tabbaasummerrobins0nRobert_RenoirdidntaskyouSteveBenson1alicemackzjota_paredes
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,384
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingSDPlissken1RobWeb79TbruuuufunnybeachgirlDarkTallBastardrage_chaosGiddrarn
    • 458
    • RETWEETS
    RobWeb79Tbruuuurage_chaosMarceloVC90MelissaJoy33fadel_tabbaaSteveBenson117duece
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,090
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingRobWeb79MelissaJoy33JadeDeLongKatarinaFoKimberlu2mangochow1menes676
    • 520
    • RETWEETS
    Kimberlu2SarcasiliciousEnigmaNetxxSteveBenson1mostillusiveThis_isnt_menoneofyours99skookerG
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,117
    • FAVS
    RobWeb79richiewilsMelissaJoy33justfay3KatarinaFo_Manisha_K1VinoliaSineadG67
    • 418
    • RETWEETS
    richiewilsMelissaJoy33justfay3jaguarpaw___Robert_RenoirSteveBenson1jasonotgMisterAlbie
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,040
    • FAVS
    RobWeb79MelissaJoy33JadeDeLonghannahgurl89shelbieannieRobert_RenoirTBCITDG77McChucklenuts
    • 483
    • RETWEETS
    i2Shock4SwordB8hannahgurl89SarcasiliciousSteveBenson1This_isnt_menoneofyours99Just_Jen73kwirkyKerri
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,097
    • FAVS
    i_wasnt_lookingRobWeb79rage_chaosMelissaJoy33MiaGrizzaffisarafmaestreJeremiahLeeEfillthevacuum
    • 389
    • RETWEETS
    juliamillan16MelissaJoy33MiaGrizzaffitumblrgirl16kylajo06fillthevacuumrjharmon99darbysnida
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,055
    • FAVS
    RobWeb79MelissaJoy33JadeDeLongMichaelMan82VeroMoreno22SineadG67Robert_Renoirms_snippety
    • 403
    • RETWEETS
    MelissaJoy33ms_snippetySteveBenson1IAmFab08leechee420BeingHuman79ldoran9This_isnt_me
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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