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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 5,555
    • LIKES
    SexySillyGrlGenMundaneThatGirlHealyAnon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsksujulieCerebralWreckmarkydoodoo
    • 3,920
    • RETWEETS
    NyLow9SexySillyGrlAnon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckmarkydoodoojeltoncrochslippingawayto
    li4mst3w4rtgeorgiabarnsclemdytanBwanaChrisRandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 5,198
    • LIKES
    NyLow9SexySillyGrlThatGirlHealyAnon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsksujuliedysCONNECTEDhollywood_95_69
    • 3,350
    • RETWEETS
    AliHashem0SexySillyGrlThatGirlHealyAnon_imosityFinallyHeSleepshollywood_95_69CerebralWreckIm4Wine
    SharpeBytesALadiesHeartDearAuntAbby_jennjennthetobbieKendellMaddenTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayne__DsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 4,191
    • LIKES
    NyLow9leelow99Anon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreck_freebird99_markydoodoojeltoncroch
    • 3,166
    • RETWEETS
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    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,899
    • LIKES
    leelow99Anon_imosityJBorgesFinallyHeSleepsksujuliendiquoteCerebralWreckalyn_jmr
    • 2,973
    • RETWEETS
    Anon_imosityartistikemFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckFuckMaster3000DallasxxStyles_AchetLongkumerhernandeznic_
    ANNIEwayyyy__shamans_healTheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 3,025
    • LIKES
    Anon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckIm4Winejeltoncrochshivisha_NowHackerHotEnoughForYou
    • 1,964
    • RETWEETS
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    GreeneyedMofo__TheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,856
    • LIKES
    TheScienceBroAnon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsjeltoncrochHarmonjsemilypittfanAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_
    • 2,107
    • RETWEETS
    TheScienceBroFinallyHeSleepsjeltoncrochHarmonjsDanInPittsburghpghguyinvaAimeeHelene1T_Bonezzz_
    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawg__SweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,388
    • LIKES
    Anon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckkinky_foxxcreepyfarimazizkhalifaAimeeHelene1juneohara65
    • 1,598
    • RETWEETS
    FinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckkinky_foxxcreepyfariMariamMunir_AAimeeHelene1juneohara65T_Bonezzz_
    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23__HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,490
    • LIKES
    leelow99ThatGirlHealyAnon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckemiliejendlyMariamMunir_Abj_flemming
    • 1,407
    • RETWEETS
    leelow99Anon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsCerebralWreckMs_WhateverVMariamMunir_AAimeeHelene1juneohara65
    DiamondLou69RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 2,128
    • LIKES
    NyLow9lilyofthecitythetipsywriterMardigroanAnon_imosityClowndroMorganjean96Dolfinlover
    • 1,145
    • RETWEETS
    MardigroanAnon_imositySophisticaWinosHousewifeOfHellFinallyHeSleepsRVettsjumpdasharkalanwdix
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 2,114
    • LIKES
    Anon_imosityHiddenPinkyFinallyHeSleepsjeltoncrochRdrJay47hammerseviltwinnotmargot663SPAC3CRAF
    • 1,132
    • RETWEETS
    NyLow9Anon_imosityFinallyHeSleepsjeltoncrochRainbow__TigerRdrJay47notmargot663SPAC3CRAF
    PoblicMenacethetobbieSharpeBytesMsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopup__KittySaysMeeowweathrgirlmargeNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,988
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    NyLow9UlshmanDuhSturbedtiffanygracefulRogueDom_kAdriiiiibrahimolojiDiamondLou69
    • 1,150
    • RETWEETS
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    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,923
    • LIKES
    NyLow9DuhSturbedtiffanygracefullittlelamvSteveMather4natalievaness15ibrahimolojiDiamondLou69
    • 992
    • RETWEETS
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    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,687
    • LIKES
    LoveIrreverenceDuhSturbedt25034Eric_C_FraleyRogueDomDiamondLou69bacon_gillepicAnon_imosity
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    MourningGlory___Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,642
    • LIKES
    DuhSturbedEric_C_FraleyRogueDomnatalievaness15DiamondLou69Anon_imosityMarianaArcellaSharonEWClay
    • 792
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    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,520
    • LIKES
    Anon_imositySnglGrlRamblingZZeitgeistsDarkPutschwallycocklesPieChordHousewifeOfHellCerebralWreck
    • 536
    • RETWEETS
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    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,161
    • LIKES
    Anon_imosityHousewifeOfHellT_Bonezzz_numbmacchiatoDanielAshley13Hector_SrslyAimeeHelene1juneohara65
    • 557
    • RETWEETS
    T_Bonezzz_numbmacchiatoHector_SrslyAimeeHelene1juneohara65ThRealBallsDeepMartaEffingsamfromks
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,142
    • LIKES
    Anon_imositylexjmaddenreneolmsTheSheonixCKscullycatT_Bonezzz_numbmacchiatosophienuuttall
    • 538
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    samiam604SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,209
    • LIKES
    NyLow9Anon_imositylexjmaddentimberbojacklucasloveslilyliv_thatsmeT_Bonezzz_CerebralWreck
    • 470
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    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,170
    • LIKES
    ReBeLFuKSoCiEtYDuhSturbedtiffanygracefulsntrymRogueDomFairleyKristenibrahimolojiDiamondLou69
    • 478
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    resignedpixieYou_aint_shit_hReBeLFuKSoCiEtYGirlFromThe216DiamondLou69Anon_imosityCerebralWreckmisfitanonymous
    mamatomy3tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,172
    • LIKES
    Anon_imosityCerebralWreckMs_WhateverVjeltoncrochheyevergreendizzblndDiamondLou69MartaEffing
    • 436
    • RETWEETS
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    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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