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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 3,541
    • FAVS
    cigarinHalShep2Vodka_TitsMILFDianesarcasticmommy4ClickCollinsrayyyychScan4lessinfo
    • 2,516
    • RETWEETS
    cigarinHalShep2Vodka_TitsMILFDianesarcasticmommy4JohnnyBravo7297rayyyychalain_hardy
    MichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowMcJizzernutzlvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 3,405
    • FAVS
    Alma_1_N_OnlySapphireBelMartinBushellmyshoeishotpinkQuenofCrazzylilicoffinNakushe_KDrMonicaQuezada
    • 2,016
    • RETWEETS
    LMills_Alma_1_N_OnlyclayrusselllilicoffinDiveInsideMindsDrMonicaQuezadaKimB504mcnets
    AHoundNamedAlbaTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajoke1momma0315iBlayneDsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 2,890
    • FAVS
    dxblarssonENGLombaxWhispererFoxHillFotoMediocreMorgueTerminallyLateGoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4Tiffani_MF
    • 2,066
    • RETWEETS
    Lumpy1805dxblarssonENG_MrsGigglePits_LombaxWhispererHalShep2hafsaakmach1GoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4
    1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leiamartianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,294
    • FAVS
    williamwantonAcademmissionHalShep2jhseligTreacleVerityjuluckerAarchAngellGoldenSpirals
    • 1,788
    • RETWEETS
    MikeZupkofskacydnieyHalShep2hafsaakmach1TreacleVerity88shenanigansAarchAngellGoldenSpirals
    babyblue0924StarksWeekitsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmAHoundNamedAlbaKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 2,301
    • FAVS
    williamwantonmcnetsAarchAngellMediocreMorgueGoldenSpiralscaNdi_caiNe34sarcasticmommy4naiveneive
    • 1,748
    • RETWEETS
    hafsaakmach1mcnetsAarchAngelljuluckerGoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4dwc13Restenfield
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 1,927
    • FAVS
    stacia_leblanckimbermaxLombaxWhispererAcademmissionmcnetsMediocreMorgueemmakelly03Cameron_Lincoln
    • 1,014
    • RETWEETS
    i_namratasmcnetsAarchAngellGoldenSpiralsSaraChandler9sarcasticmommy4BmadjanovichSir_Strange
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mHeyZeus666heated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 1,890
    • FAVS
    williamwantonAHallitVisceralJWGoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4HashtonKushr420minxMauuitstotallyobvi
    • 1,015
    • RETWEETS
    GROIDS2235GoldenSpiralsMILFDianesarcasticmommy4HashtonKushr420hollow_senpaiSir_Strangebravefan47
    SarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 1,533
    • FAVS
    Dad_PostGoldenSpiralscigarinvarunpilankarJoyOfSectsshelly_temple24MaggieAbara2grumpy_sabrina3
    • 977
    • RETWEETS
    hafsaakmach1GoldenSpiralsTasneeemCExceliacigarinSuyash1010varunpilankarblacksanta1108
    Maxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,561
    • FAVS
    LombaxWhispererGoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4Sir_StrangeCityNutsackbabyblue0924pintofdraftburried_secrets
    • 845
    • RETWEETS
    GoldenSpiralsSaraChandler9sarcasticmommy4CityNutsackheavyoilcountrycowboyjeffkentejmichaels1a_olivia4212
    BruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,489
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralspatcoholicLEDawesSir_Strangeutdtillidie67CityNutsackbabyblue0924StarksWeek
    • 660
    • RETWEETS
    Lumpy1805Keeze_Strangemisachinskieshakes31471Sir_StrangeCityNutsackStarksWeekgiantsgirl71
    gigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopupKittySaysMeeowSleepsinwetspotNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,431
    • FAVS
    FoxHillFotoVodka_TitsTheSuniverseMediocreMorgue3_liviGoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4theevilwriter
    • 669
    • RETWEETS
    Vodka_TitsKAT_erRNGoldenSpiralssarcasticmommy4HashtonKushr420Tiffani_MFContradictEgoThe_most_wicked
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,190
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsSir_StrangeCityNutsackbabyblue0924pintofdraftAnyalachae7burried_secretscowboyjeffkent
    • 529
    • RETWEETS
    cowboyjeffkentMihirBajoriaChelseaMesmerBrittabutterFarOutReviewdombrad6MerZomX76coop
    JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,206
    • FAVS
    VisceralJWMediocreMorgueGoldenSpiralsHashtonKushr420jessirose__shakes31471Sir_StrangeCityNutsack
    • 364
    • RETWEETS
    DeepakRai_GoldenSpiralsHashtonKushr420shakes31471The_most_wickedSir_StrangeCityNutsackStarksWeek
    IamEveryDayPple_Rodriguez_
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,073
    • FAVS
    OkhoVodkaLindseyK_14mcnetsGoldenSpiralsjaxdaniel53LEDawesSir_StrangeJ_Hart03
    • 422
    • RETWEETS
    mcnetsGoldenSpiralsThe_most_wickedSir_StrangeJ_Hart03Xoolunkarlainvtcowboyjeffkent
    Genevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 974
    • FAVS
    GoldenSpiralsSir_StrangeCityNutsackbabyblue0924Happenstance5chrismerrillStarksWeekpintofdraft
    • 465
    • RETWEETS
    StarksWeekLittleMissMag69shannon2703FuckPickingNameJP_Martin09PSlockMrTwatWafflelovemydogduck
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 913
    • FAVS
    lllvvvzzzDontTouchMyWineTinkerbell_nikkealexisShaeAaronbjaynashthetobbiebingkird
    • 466
    • RETWEETS
    bullitt6454jkentokyoAfricaoolunchbox_23Lumpy1805FuckFaceGoonfarleftcoastKizerBillhelm
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 870
    • FAVS
    KireiOniHurricane_ReDbritt_somethingXoolunOkhoVodkaBrookie__pooGoldenSpiralsjaxdaniel53
    • 398
    • RETWEETS
    Criminal_BizzyXoolunOkhoVodkaChas0124momdilz83GoldenSpiralsSir_StrangeCityNutsack
    ladyfiredancerWizardOfRonnativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 907
    • FAVS
    Criminal_BizzyAmrrwiseXoolunsome1s_sistaTheEdzoregreek2289GoldenSpiralsSir_Strange
    • 309
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunNVNDETheEdzoregreek2289GoldenSpiralsplandindustriesss73sslovelorn78
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDieEgg_Plantation____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 907
    • FAVS
    fabiolamag271XoolunRedneck435TheEdzoreGoldenSpiralsCityNutsackbabyblue0924chrismerrill
    • 300
    • RETWEETS
    XoolunTheEdzoreGoldenSpiralskristibrinsonStarksWeekwelfarehoeQueefTornadoOhgoddessitsme
    Carter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 920
    • FAVS
    MariahAnnCarneymaymay72xgiddy_misscaptainjoe2822Stabby_smurfCurvyGirlMeXoolunGoldenSpirals
    • 277
    • RETWEETS
    captainjoe2822Stabby_smurfCurvyGirlMeChevo_MqzXoolunSir_StrangeBangerLangmicheleryan1
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUXCajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.