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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,679
    • FAVS
    dedeluca_denisechchillerqueenarcherenemyjanuarydragonsDustBunnyMafiamyles000007utmost_failureGenevieve0404
    • 3,324
    • RETWEETS
    hardcore_kittenarcherenemyThatGirlHealyFroggysuemyles000007OutOfLeftField_APANCHALYPSENOWScarlettsaid26
    RandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 4,575
    • FAVS
    pepperkatwarcherenemyhobosafecampbtothehughesmarillllaBlack__Elvishrm619SarahGoudreau
    • 2,847
    • RETWEETS
    CiJiShaepepperkatwarcherenemyMuxAFCMSWard52CampbellxEmmajared_42geyercom
    _jennjennthetobbieKendellMaddenTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayneDsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,678
    • FAVS
    archerenemymaggiewhats_MissSiggySevernjacaBradthemailmansumthinkAPANCHALYPSENOWjasminebyday
    • 2,759
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyjasminebydayMentalDV8Furry_BeaverCoronaQueen2569kindakookykearapdog11234LovelyStevieZ
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,161
    • FAVS
    BBryJamheapsOhateabbijaxonAPANCHALYPSENOWjasminebydayOrtiz_rfcgraeme_m_scottbbellile
    • 2,420
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWjasminebydaymartinRFC1872Cuts79nicolettesgonekayzamaniCoronaQueen2569
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,694
    • FAVS
    APANCHALYPSENOWScarlettsaid26Slimkilla2628tmcpdog11234CanfieldKennyLoehnwolfRFrangie
    • 2,012
    • RETWEETS
    Scarlettsaid26_sonication_yungpastaLovelyStevieZLoehnwolfASSHOLINESSSItsreidarayLickMyAsshol3
    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,524
    • FAVS
    archerenemy_MissSiggyJustPaula34KittyShittyyJohnBentzNCAPANCHALYPSENOWU_Lookedladytodiefor
    • 1,582
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWScarlettsaid26BrewsterLouginnygf_TheeGabsterOdalisMenjivardjawnny
    Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,236
    • FAVS
    nameless974donutbesadarcherenemySabaSabak9223APANCHALYPSENOWSlimkilla26married_naughtytsmile909
    • 1,216
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyRebelFatimaKRISTINB5150APANCHALYPSENOWFarren_kunKosmoATDkendermouseDipsyLouLou
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mHeyZeus666heated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 1,978
    • FAVS
    AgingAssdonutbesadarcherenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWKCyhaniukWorkingMom86i_wasnt_lookingCyd10e
    • 1,289
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyTheMarioMZeDewdetteWorkingMom86i_wasnt_lookingCyd10eShizzle77MoltoPensieroso
    peachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,822
    • FAVS
    nameless974archerenemyliquidhandsDBMaxPAPANCHALYPSENOWJayZ3uZgiddy_kipsxysist
    • 1,037
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemycapnschweikerSCWTADBMaxPAPANCHALYPSENOW___k_elvinTheDrollAnorak_Okundayor
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,860
    • FAVS
    XOSchitzoarcherenemyAPANCHALYPSENOW___k_elvinxysisttooelebloggerfaulkingwayWorkingMom86
    • 943
    • RETWEETS
    XOSchitzoarcherenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWMarekiaKiringuucantbiceTheDrollAnorak_OgadahObinnajeenaasare
    MsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopupKittySaysMeeowSleepsinwetspotNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,746
    • FAVS
    Kristi_6898archerenemyBarbiKjcravey2011mcwoodyzorgodAPANCHALYPSENOW_CRaZyDa1sY
    • 880
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyjcravey2011ariznavsParkerlawyerDontTouchMyWineAsshole_GodAlpot86psych0ciara
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,720
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    brian_everestdanceformyhorseejhabencheesyBfacearcherenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWFlorida_KPRDEjunior
    • 883
    • RETWEETS
    DMuchRainEmFbabyyHitlerPuncherchampsuperstarmanduhtoryarcherenemyQuietmonkey77paulablu22
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,536
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    quotablechatterMakesYouGigglepbms_bitchWritethatdown12abhichandjamben82alliezemogeternal3xplorer
    • 746
    • RETWEETS
    abhichandAlpot86jamben82MRoutieri_wasnt_lookingSadCanadianMBHShep101616PeachesMcPeach
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,405
    • FAVS
    archerenemyPOLARFAISEdanitasteinbergbeersudsCanadianMclovinMissvalCaAPANCHALYPSENOWpaulablu22
    • 639
    • RETWEETS
    mvmamaHeyokaJokerarcherenemymisfitanonymousPOLARFAISECanadianMclovinKRISTINB5150APANCHALYPSENOW
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,405
    • FAVS
    Kristi_6898AgingAssninjamoose101CanadianMclovinlillyflower44FunnyDoctorManAPANCHALYPSENOWpaulablu22
    • 468
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyKRISTINB5150APANCHALYPSENOWpaulablu22arcadesealTedBundybitchsanitychancyjaelco26
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,097
    • FAVS
    APANCHALYPSENOWpaulablu22CelebrityCheztexfuncamgirljaelco26LadidaIbanezkcmoore51i_wasnt_looking
    • 523
    • RETWEETS
    Quietmonkey77paulablu22kcmoore51Kimberlu2SarcasiliciousEnigmaNetxxSteveBenson1mostillusive
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,128
    • FAVS
    APANCHALYPSENOWonreivenRumRationalpaulablu22montgomaryrockleashalettexysistMichelle33Caine
    • 425
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyImCMJadejaDontTouchMyWineI_Bl33d_Purplepaulablu22leashalettekcmoore51richiewils
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,058
    • FAVS
    archerenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWDontTouchMyWineJamSauceyBroncosfam22paulablu22trashtasticaasm0080
    • 490
    • RETWEETS
    Broncosfam22paulablu22justmegirlRRCrunk_JewsmevinkayfieldBipolarsmom2kcmoore51i2Shock4SwordB8
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,111
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    archerenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWalaku3DontTouchMyWineEthanVosatkapaulablu22xysistclintgil
    • 395
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemyDontTouchMyWineEthanVosatkapaulablu22cm_rutvikkcmoore51juliamillan16MelissaJoy33
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,067
    • FAVS
    Kristi_6898archerenemyAPANCHALYPSENOWpaulablu22Crunk_JewsMommy_Daisy1072TLchDer367SassyPharmD
    • 409
    • RETWEETS
    archerenemypaulablu22SassyPharmDMMCarlson67UnicornSyrupkcmoore51MelissaJoy33ms_snippety
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
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I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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