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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 5,649
    • LIKES
    WhizarooalphabitchtweetAckienotforyoudagrebOMG_Jessica_Gprocrastin8_MIDNIGHTRAWERSeOtkazvam
    • 3,979
    • RETWEETS
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 5,331
    • LIKES
    Whizarootwifwermla3b6ahbcbeeken3HanerMarkHannahisjesusuvadulaaw_273
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 4,288
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    Steph_i_KStacyNoDashgreen_eyed_dollamhigginscrayLuvBronxmatsmoustacheOMG_Jessica_Gprocrastin8_
    • 3,245
    • RETWEETS
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,990
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    lalatubbyNaavajeanholtonMs_EmyEmzatamba_lakeliswirlygrlRealTreyHollisMarbyNoffkiHatfieldAnne
    • 3,036
    • RETWEETS
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    SharpeBytesANNIEwayyyy__shamans_healTheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydeIceIceBaeBaecurlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 3,084
    • LIKES
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    • 2,008
    • RETWEETS
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    GreeneyedMofo__TheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,876
    • LIKES
    LuvBronxmatsmoustacheprocrastin8_kimlockhartgaFunnyVikingBoyfreedom2726ryan_rachryan80Xtuch
    • 2,118
    • RETWEETS
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    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawg__SweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,498
    • LIKES
    Sleinsolivvvs_MusingCoconutnimish_josefastingcannibalnerdfacedLittleHarmonicaHatfieldAnne
    • 1,672
    • RETWEETS
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    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23__HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,539
    • LIKES
    SleinsoCorbeauAntoinegreen_eyed_dollmatsmoustacheprocrastin8_dougbieschutiya02Nrvous1
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    • RETWEETS
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    DiamondLou69RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 2,197
    • LIKES
    _IHateEvery0neswirlygrlHatfieldAnneMarkAFuqua_Huntgreen_eyed_dollOMG_Jessica_Gprocrastin8_sashaotanez
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    • RETWEETS
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    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 2,131
    • LIKES
    Sleinsocogdis201mlb_matosthat_lazy_guy_freebird99_QuietPsychoBenMarquardtilovenoodles2
    • 1,145
    • RETWEETS
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 2,012
    • LIKES
    CodyJP9412SleinsoGoodBadThingLMFOFLJeannieG40kimlockhartgaJeffSarcasticFancyNancyAnn
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    • RETWEETS
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    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,965
    • LIKES
    CodyJP9412SleinsooliviagaleckisuenraleighFlyJ_kimlockhartgaswmnredTanyaWichers
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    • RETWEETS
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    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,715
    • LIKES
    OneyeBogeyCaptstabbyfacelillymorroneFlyJ_ToniSmithRosariayocumkimlockhartgacee_cee
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    MourningGlory___Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,654
    • LIKES
    Odi1978Fhassanator_FlyJ_cee_ceeNrvous1shamans_healdougbiesxWritersBlock__
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    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,541
    • LIKES
    Odi1978FdougbiesFlyJ_chutiya02SamBK71Nrvous1Sugarhigh74CourtneyConrad_
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,176
    • LIKES
    notmargot663Nrvous1MarthaWillyBurnshamans_healJoJo_ChanelFlangeoNotoliviasteelLaauuritaa__
    • 567
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    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsiveIceIceBaeBaeSci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

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    • LIKES
    BeeNormadesmndOdi1978FKay_SherriskwawkwardFlyJ_JeannieG40kimlockhartgaSugarhigh74
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    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,160
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    • 553
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,189
    • LIKES
    ann_gelly_cachutiya02rebeccatunney83AJDMarushamans_healmlb_matosItsPenny_LaneQuietPsycho
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,195
    • LIKES
    rebeccatunney83chutiya02VodkaTiemshamans_healtinykafkadylulahSteveKoehler22Glitter_Girl07
    • 448
    • RETWEETS
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    MandiAtRandomMzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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