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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,936
    • FAVS
    bobw1othebeachygirlwarpig678clintgilLaineCorryJClung39albanystreetGemmaLBlake
    • 3,493
    • RETWEETS
    fooktwitthebeachygirlHalf_QuixoticJClung39cuntybollox59hythemafiaiamchadsmr_arse
    RandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 4,793
    • FAVS
    KrysBattsstevow_716mell_luvyaautumnbreath2SuzyCatastrophethisasshole2mikihickeyJennifer_bbw
    • 3,043
    • RETWEETS
    KrysBattsTraciiSamautumnbreath2sunshyngurlhythemafiasublyfe2015nnamdyjuniorgarrettbarry70
    _jennjennthetobbieKendellMaddenTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayne__DsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,882
    • FAVS
    filmmakerRNOJennifer_bbwclintgilpupillamengifaarAriadneK1SammyJB121urstrulybinod
    • 2,909
    • RETWEETS
    mrakshudoAritraRoy6hythemafiameriteldokhmesyAriadneK1AshamedZilchurstrulybinodHisSinclair
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,450
    • FAVS
    filmmakerRNOautumnbreath2xThEuNfOrGiVeNclintgilH3YM3RFBoogiequn4everAshamedZilchBryantRidgway
    • 2,651
    • RETWEETS
    bridge415hythemafiacocoabuttacoochMmmmMinnysublyfe2015garrettbarry70_chaserileyTheWhirla
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,766
    • FAVS
    filmmakerRNOJennifer_bbwBoogiequn4evernotthat_1dietredbullMakinzieViolamrlaniieItsGuyPerson
    • 2,049
    • RETWEETS
    TheHennoCausthythemafiajessicanortjeBeauieoEricEJohnson2jerm1991xXanderPagexgarrettbarry70
    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawg__SweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,767
    • FAVS
    notthat_1nnamdyjuniorgarrettbarry70AnkCoupleTOOneTinyTweetdaphnepotter69LSahara610RiverOakeley
    • 1,797
    • RETWEETS
    jessicanortjeilovechunkyboyzdoreenwairannamdyjuniortxkels13garrettbarry70AnkCoupleTOE_FillingaHole
    GreeneyedMofoTheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,290
    • FAVS
    notthat_1garrettbarry70AnkCoupleTOsass_slingershuaib24heroinsdemisejkramblessubbstandard
    • 1,256
    • RETWEETS
    BeauieoEricEJohnson2garrettbarry70AnkCoupleTOdumbasfiskenIsThisIt67The_IceMan555dxblarssonENG
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,066
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOidesignstudiosamiam604BareChestyRealPrincessKimSerialFuckupwjdpoker1lvhrh11028
    • 1,345
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOYolandieHornsamiam604iamwilliewillieLizz_Khalifaaawjdpoker1BornlnWinterfernyhuey
    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,958
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOsass_slingeryonewtqqzmBareChestyJamesStockhamkimcrowbarcluecanyon
    • 1,003
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOBareChestylozzas_lawcluecanyontexacaliroseTheDailySchmuckgehaneScott_A_Gilmore
    MsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopup__KittySaysMeeowweathrgirlmargeNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,852
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOGZHCCCPdavid_tullKentWGrahamsass_slingerkl07NGNsamiam604BareChesty
    • 1,056
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOdavid_tullYolandieHornkl07NGNmallorymiller_samiam604WpgSportsNerdBareChesty
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,810
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTObrainbingejeffreyr77elphie052179Black__ElvisRachaelBooksKentWGrahamsass_slinger
    • 956
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTObrainbingeOneTinyTweetTRN36FANSg_dubvGreeneyedMofoKentWGrahamsass_slinger
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,778
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOsass_slingerprincessmoomoo7Mama2Judemaburrsecold__mil_h0useDarkTallBastardcreativeTypeDad
    • 896
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOmaburrsecold__DarkTallBastardstephypocketzmamahailzjeanholtonLurkAtHomeMomnotyourpapa
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,575
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOKentWGrahamsass_slingerCelebYouTauntBebeTarantinoBareChestygianni_bcnmaburrsecold__
    • 764
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOCelebYouTauntBareChestygianni_bcnDarkTallBastardlaura_lemlovestained555Carrawaysway
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,476
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOGrumpyBahrGingerMistakesErroneous_Me1Bad_ScientistBareChestyDaiynalmelbaumgartner1
    • 690
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOFFC_UFCJoyfulKarmaGingerMistakes1Bad_ScientistBareChestyDaiynalWICKEDTRUTH01
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,438
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOKentWGrahamLMFayeBareChestygianni_bcnmil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjs
    • 484
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOjuneohara65fewwordsonlyi_wasnt_lookingraw_iqT_A_Whitney2happyrightTkapilrautela
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,118
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOKentWGrahamsass_slingerBareChestygianni_bcnmil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomtddfn
    • 533
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOstupidolwelderheatherjsgirl_a_whirlfewwordsonlyUp2Longgarbageguy420thequeensheart
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,145
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOBlackCheesePieBareChestymil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjsscott_atlantafewwordsonly
    • 433
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOBareChestyscott_atlantafewwordsonlyTheBeerGuy73i_wasnt_lookingSteveKoehler22One2thTEXAN
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,078
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOBareChestymil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomfreshestgingerGirlNextDoorYYCmoxiebloggerheatherjs
    • 498
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOGirlNextDoorYYCheatherjsVanilla_cupcakdru0887fewwordsonlySteveKoehler22One2thTEXAN
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,133
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOsass_slingerSrixVariaBareChestysjlmkimcrowbarfxckyoulxvemeTheDailySchmuck
    • 405
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOBareChestyTheDailySchmuckMunalula91KissabiXli4mst3w4rtfewwordsonlybradgearon
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,097
    • FAVS
    AnkCoupleTOsass_slingerBareChestykimcrowbarCaffeinatedRaintexacaliroseTheDailySchmuckmil_h0use
    • 426
    • RETWEETS
    AnkCoupleTOTheDailySchmuckVanilla_cupcaklethabomaesela1girl_a_whirlscott_atlantaInnocent_prickClevetroit
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
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I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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