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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,365
    • FAVS
    Nut_guySlyPinkspyBitchFantastic1TehNemsterpauvrecouerb4sageJasonKiely1EarnieMacIntire
    • 3,115
    • RETWEETS
    Nut_guyBitchFantastic1pauvrecouerNawtyMynxJasonKiely1bigdaddyrabbitvahsiNBriarSlyMadness
    RandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowMcJizzernutzlvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 4,078
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1_Armenta_JmyNAMEisJILLFemale76b4sageEarnieMacIntireb_smith2neon_fairy_
    • 2,531
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1JmyNAMEisJILLEarnieMacIntirekristinlynch1malbecprincessSierraaa_PaigeeBriarSlyMadnessLunaSea5
    thetobbieAHoundNamedAlbaTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayneDsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,494
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1ndiquoteb4sagebd1317bidu676VB_PghetoflipTheOPhilosopher
    • 2,642
    • RETWEETS
    EarnieMacIntireSKK_13_09bharat2004LSDFunkrunalhpanchaliPallaviGoyaljdierte8rum_ball
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 2,955
    • FAVS
    KhaleddAhmeds34n77BitchFantastic1Brenda26739595PickleTokerjennyXwhoBettyPoulterWhitey1one
    • 2,299
    • RETWEETS
    KhaleddAhmedALYSHATREESBitchFantastic1ZeroToBeotchAmandawhatttupqueennixiSmoking_Handlembugijunior
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,610
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1DustytextswollenvoiceNotBachibawlzTheAngryMailGuygirlontapasnataliaelskorn_crue
    • 1,968
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1girlontapasJaySaysStuffBadForEveryonewayne_robbClamDivekcmoore51underyourbed666
    babyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmAHoundNamedAlbaKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,364
    • FAVS
    missy_schwabKhaleddAhmedBitchFantastic1Brenda26739595Whitey1one_jennjennBigRedLobster_DrTGeldenhuys
    • 1,471
    • RETWEETS
    KhaleddAhmedBitchFantastic1Brenda26739595NYChaseterFancyNancyAnnWhitey1oneYaserMujrimHaydenPicks
    Ideal_VictoriaGrumpyCommentsSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,171
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1b4sageswollenvoiceyoureabanana1NotBachibawlzXOliviajRdnucarpminnie_in_pink7
    • 1,169
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1minnie_in_pink7rustyguntergirlontapasBassHeadieJaySaysStuffgerryhatricBlondie_Minrow
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mHeyZeus666heated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 1,907
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1xoxovalencianickykensBlametheADHDBusterGrabbJohnnyCrash5geel_krytZombieLaika
    • 1,233
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1BusterGrabbJeans4ShawTiaan191_Mignonne_erotic_toasterbarr_maryamQamaludeen
    peachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,752
    • FAVS
    KhaleddAhmedBitchFantastic1PreservedSoulBabsGreenEyesosheenadelkajalk9LexeGreyVanillaRoads
    • 974
    • RETWEETS
    KhaleddAhmedBitchFantastic1NYChasetermissnisssythatUPSdudegirlontapasBassHeadieIvanSolanoC
    SamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,740
    • FAVS
    SlyPinkspyBitchFantastic1stevepercen0tblondeBears09fannigelgodwinvelvettuskCathyLL003
    • 839
    • RETWEETS
    stevepercen0tblondenigelgodwinvelvettuskTandem_Felixxmo_vitalunaUnderchildegirlontapas
    MsSScandaltreadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopupKittySaysMeeowSleepsinwetspotNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,660
    • FAVS
    missy_schwabs34n77BitchFantastic1ShanageolinkylinkxBabsGreenEyeshot_fartsDickScurvy
    • 850
    • RETWEETS
    KhaleddAhmedAlanaisnoangelShanageoNYChasetergarypdaleycarlspackler69ShannonIsHighthatUPSdude
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,646
    • FAVS
    NotBachibawlzbittersuess44TheLouScannonha_MARTI_aMLibertineStephie_LarkNASHterpiecegirlontapas
    • 808
    • RETWEETS
    iwearaonesiemstuckingsBeatBoiMadella__frasergirlontapasBassHeadieSamePageDifDayMsSScandal
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,470
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1BarW38IMBeanzNotBachibawlzgirlontapasRocketRankoonjkpeterson777JennFetch
    • 701
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1ImaFlyontheWallgirlontapasBassHeadieRocketRankoon1NiteNtheHamptsayytwixNotPeterStark
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,356
    • FAVS
    YorickeVb4sageEllelouisegirlnowarrantyBeagirlNJFeedTheWhales01n0tblondenigelgodwin
    • 607
    • RETWEETS
    YorickeVnientiquiKristinAndrenenowarrantyhythemafiaFeedTheWhales01n0tblondenigelgodwin
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,342
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1KenHuxley1BenOnus_Kenobussc_vaughnanne_seattlen0tblondenigelgodwinAngryWhiteGoon
    • 434
    • RETWEETS
    KenHuxley1Homegrown_hunnyTeam_eh_careG6ArchAngelhythemafianigelgodwinAngrEdmontonianbgirl314
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,065
    • FAVS
    Shinahhhb4sageNotBachibawlzSadieSmithRoksNotPeterStarkli4mst3w4rtSpaced_Cowboy00leafsgirl420
    • 503
    • RETWEETS
    b4sageSamePageDifDayNotPeterStarkryangriffithsBrownBoxersmjkspeaksmc_funbagsCurly_gurl135
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,007
    • FAVS
    SlyPinkspyBitchFantastic1b4sageParentNormalNotBachibawlzgirlontapasmydmacSamePageDifDay
    • 465
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1girlontapasBassHeadieJamesonN7fuzzlimeli4mst3w4rtHiddleDeeDeeBrownBoxers
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,077
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1b4sageDalerRapperDissdrunknerdproDry_Rabbitkitten_mineTheDannySmite_FromYesterday
    • 393
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1TheDannySmitekylcbgtngDebauchedGGuestagentJjudylp3447KylieJWatsonwesjohnson8
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,030
    • FAVS
    BitchFantastic1b4sageParentNormalNotBachibawlztheresa1701NarrowPathBWkanyeskunkbabygirlontapas
    • 392
    • RETWEETS
    NarrowPathBWDrowningBlondegirlontapasDir_Gobshiteslizajames1968AllenStarr1Essex_Exilelee_alley
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDieEgg_Plantation____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,053
    • FAVS
    ispypandaBitchFantastic1b4sageParentNormalNotBachibawlzbittersuess44mstuckingshrivas_bg
    • 359
    • RETWEETS
    BitchFantastic1KAT_erRNella__fraserDrowningBlondekanyeskunkbabygirlontapasBassHeadienetdog713
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.