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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 5,485
    • LIKES
    DeniseWalker81AndrewSpiesspbwegAlexieffGMariaAnsellrezeskistaceouterspacecaliluvgirl77
    • 3,864
    • RETWEETS
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 5,123
    • LIKES
    ABItruckandvansfriesyayceukSamJanzJayRayTweetsscruuz_kristynjohnsonJennie_OMalley
    • 3,293
    • RETWEETS
    ABItruckandvan3chaiinzzhanalulu12aditya_11catzoup_ericamarcheseLizz_Kalifaonly1drewsif
    DearAuntAbby_jennjennthetobbieKendellMaddenTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayne__DsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 4,086
    • LIKES
    MorganAWeissThatWhiskeyChicGeorgiaBarnstaminespradams6110segmentisDecipherSciFipoole_christin
    • 3,072
    • RETWEETS
    hoedeehoejennfarrar7michal_smithWomensWorkNYyonewtimajsharmawairimu_lindaiaremac
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,694
    • LIKES
    ThatWhiskeyChicPagesBrainGusbucketsbvanecko12cort_bosCaptnCrashnyathibrian78Azraa_36
    • 2,795
    • RETWEETS
    DearAuntAbbydropkckznlvypulheroinsdemisesolidjimmadeintexas214Ohboulderdashennuizle
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,820
    • LIKES
    ThatWhiskeyChicDearAuntAbbyserialmatrixtsm560towelforacapeErinDRichhollcarpenterDearestPatients
    • 2,081
    • RETWEETS
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    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawg__SweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,940
    • LIKES
    Roro_superloserahahutchidgaf_987Meredithevejane_botms73cinnamon_grrltsm560
    • 1,899
    • RETWEETS
    Mereditheve_James_WilsonyonewtBeeraKayycinnamon_grrltsm560TDeeRockRideSallyRide69
    GreeneyedMofo__TheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,453
    • LIKES
    anarchicbonextrilhoThatWhiskeyChicHomeProbablynsbrwtttMandiAtRandomsyd_says_smilebabysoutonbail
    • 1,379
    • RETWEETS
    ThatWhiskeyChicHomeProbablynsbrwtttYASEREQBALElgatoEsmioDearAuntAbbystanleygarruntsm560
    DiamondLou69RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,299
    • LIKES
    JonathanswiftArxtrilhoVirgoSherryllvvzzThe_MartiniGirlThatWhiskeyChicidgaf_987MarjorieIngall
    • 1,518
    • RETWEETS
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    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 2,058
    • LIKES
    AndrewSpiesspbwegiLikeSeanDailyClintDoughertycaliluvgirl77ThatWhiskeyChicnsbrwtttMindless4Miles
    • 1,084
    • RETWEETS
    KHAL_leeAlison_Sheehycaliluvgirl77nsbrwtttMindless4MilesfacebookexiledIslamAlMansythumbsupnrk
    PoblicMenacethetobbieSharpeBytesMsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopup__KittySaysMeeowweathrgirlmargeNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,990
    • LIKES
    MeganKahanyshynWhosYourVaderMaRio_FlottaramblinmaMJLally2ndDawnLovesZombiebrideofinfinityjeannine5x5
    • 1,038
    • RETWEETS
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    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,924
    • LIKES
    malena_beijermarczeiderOnyx38minivanmilfReeseButCallMeVtsm560_SetTheHook_ErinDRich
    • 1,104
    • RETWEETS
    IslamAlMansykollarpEliteChhoritsm560AkoduOmololami_SetTheHook_ErinDRichmamatomy3
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,839
    • LIKES
    Mindless4Milessoccerplayer43EmelieBechtelbrittneyyyZolpidemicThepinkparkaSarahDickens9thedrunkdingo
    • 934
    • RETWEETS
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    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,638
    • LIKES
    raylord666Rush_Me_TweetsTannisPhotosJackCarrWasHereheroinsdemiseKylo_Tha_KidmjkspeaksSteveDashOh
    • 811
    • RETWEETS
    Daily_VelliASinh447heroinsdemise_EarthkeeperKylo_Tha_Kidmjkspeaksdebbiefromiowatsm560
    MourningGlory_Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,599
    • LIKES
    FlingbatlisarpepperJackCarrWasHereAngstnEnnuimjkspeaksJoyfulKarmaajaytweetingGreenScoundrel
    • 765
    • RETWEETS
    lisarpepperAristocratsFilmWRY_TOASTmjkspeaksLexiWallace3GreenScoundrelLittleLillyBugWWWVillainess
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,476
    • LIKES
    TannisPhotosmjkspeaksfetjuelmusictsm560TDeeRockSimplySassy__xoBobinhidingRideSallyRide69
    • 508
    • RETWEETS
    Poppstermjkspeaksneely_hukillHow_Hardydocuzy_Mack4tsm560SimplySassy__xo
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,141
    • LIKES
    ThatWhiskeyChictsm560ErinDRichAmishPornStar1luvmyADHD_NTFG_hippocroteezKally_Parker
    • 545
    • RETWEETS
    ErinDRichFUNNAGAN_NTFG_orange_parrot19Slims_RamblingsReillyBarbTheBoydPgildermike
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,114
    • LIKES
    Innocent_prickHow_HardyMCollecterPrimetsm560ErinDRichthedrunkdingoAnarchistDalekmattZillaaaa
    • 523
    • RETWEETS
    Innocent_pricktsm560WutangDinomattZillaaaa_NTFG_Slims_RamblingsBeckygrrlEvaStJames
    samiam604SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,177
    • LIKES
    debbiefromiowaInnocent_pricktsm560ErinDRichmamatomy3EdithZagalhippocroteezaimes_sweethrt
    • 450
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    debbiefromiowaHow_Hardytsm560ErinDRichSlims_RamblingsgildermikeJ_IllunninatiYASEREQBAL
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,140
    • LIKES
    KausarAzimkrua6497PatalBhairviRoseMeriMarLowKellyFurrrOneLastStrangerdavebenton27KarlTheFag
    • 458
    • RETWEETS
    krua6497PatalBhairviOneLastStrangerdavebenton27RVutthimtripptrippgramashannon11YouCantFool
    mamatomy3tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,157
    • LIKES
    Mindless4MilesdebbiefromiowagonutspleaseHtown49erFantsm560_SetTheHook_tddybearsuicidemiss_foofoo
    • 428
    • RETWEETS
    Mindless4MilesPhoenvvxdebbiefromiowar_hm_tuu_Mack4Htown49erFantsm560_SetTheHook_
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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