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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 5,584
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    freedom2726kerryhere_ispytiyenattylumpo88GianDohagrossrShaistaJustinOdubelsHorns
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 5,278
    • LIKES
    RB_AnthonyRadioNicholehighoffjesusJabberwockySRjoeyfullystatedmimsyyynattylumpo88advocaatvduivel
    • 3,403
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 4,249
    • LIKES
    freedom2726AlysonBuntingadvocaatvduivelGianDohryan_rachryan80srrkristeenbag2Yankeegiant72SchadenfreudeDD
    • 3,212
    • RETWEETS
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,941
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    RB_Anthonyjoeyfullystatedfreedom2726shanetheveinloufrawarhouseofbloopersPanuIsThatYuzachaldave
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 3,063
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    GreeneyedMofo__TheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,871
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    freedom2726ryan_rachryan80XtuchYankeegiant72NorCalBrattxWritersBlocktinykafkakermite30
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    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawg__SweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,439
    • LIKES
    udaysahadevanSlinkybrowneyesjascollinstanag9Giverney666byba92mimsyyyLipstickAbuser
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    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23__HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,506
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    DiamondLou69RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 2,159
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 2,122
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    freedom2726Yankeegiant72Gdestefano95NorCalBrattxWritersBlockChadJrTheThirdthisisriehlryanstoneman67
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 2,005
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,933
    • LIKES
    joeyfullystatedfreedom2726shanetheveinNorCalBrattxWritersBlockstoneman67MandiAtRandomMajorboobage
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,697
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    lllvvvzzzNorCalBrattxWritersBlockJanuaryJamesChadJrTheThirdMissMalbechandymandy898StevenEveral
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    MourningGlory___Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,529
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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

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    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsiveIceIceBaeBaeSci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

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    freedom2726shanetheveinJanuaryJamesOneyeBogeystoneman67NyLow9Anon_imositylexjmadden
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    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,191
    • LIKES
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@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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