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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,195
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchJesssicledbgindyharvinderalagblondenorskyMiniwheats2012BadCoqOutOnTheMoors
    • 2,988
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchjamben82blondenorskyMiniwheats2012BadCoqOutOnTheMoorsjust1fooliMayaK_
    OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8__caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowMcJizzernutzlvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 3,979
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchharvinderalagMiniwheats2012Her_EunoiaiMayaK_uberfoxyDearAbbySimonLvThando
    • 2,487
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchadityaaomMiniwheats2012iMayaK_uberfoxyJubafishernovicefather0819star
    thetobbieAHoundNamedAlbaTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayneDsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,326
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchJesKeepSwimmingOutOnTheMoorsLambyMcSheepsiMayaK_FabDorkBreadBauncechapel3929
    • 2,495
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchry12garvOutOnTheMoorsLambyMcSheepsiMayaK_FabDorkchapel3929kaafirana
    1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leiamartianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 2,834
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchJesKeepSwimmingOutOnTheMoorsleahlovescheezstarwarsshirtiMayaK_johnsobeyhistwaddle
    • 2,238
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchry12garvOutOnTheMoorsstarwarsshirtiMayaK_FabDorkdubnight_chapel3929
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,548
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchFlyOnTheWa11InkedUpKiddertimothybird186JesKeepSwimmingOutOnTheMoorsstarwarsshirtiMayaK_
    • 1,939
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchJesKeepSwimmingOutOnTheMoorsiMayaK_TrvlnRvrsdBluesNurseRatchet719kansaswaggScoobdoobles
    babyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmAHoundNamedAlbaKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,273
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchOutOnTheMoorsstarwarsshirtnongnongheadchapel3929uberfoxyli4mst3w4rtkrishna_van
    • 1,374
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchOutOnTheMoorschapel3929krishna_vanAzizaKarimova2thestreetzKaitlinSullym_ashleigh
    Ideal_VictoriaGrumpyCommentsSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,127
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchOutOnTheMoorsLambyMcSheepsstarwarsshirtuberfoxytigfinsAstronaut1205novicefather
    • 1,143
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchOutOnTheMoorsiBLOOdyNONSENSEtigfinsphiliphenry502thestreetzvagdonghippocroteez
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mHeyZeus666heated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 1,828
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchstarwarsshirtjohnsobeyPiecezillaMichelleVitagrlPetrickSaranongnongheadchfischerr
    • 1,193
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchRatchet_CliffIknowDennYsevenxx7angelidemorteAlanaisnoangel12spoopy11uchapel3929
    peachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,711
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchOutOnTheMoorsstarwarsshirtrifrozerdst_uberfoxynovicefatherddsmidt
    • 949
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchExploderizerOutOnTheMoorsrdst_uberfoxyStaceyRuschddsmidt2thestreetz
    BruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,694
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchJesssicleOutOnTheMoorsLambyMcSheepsstarwarsshirtuberfoxynovicefatherVie77
    • 807
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchOutOnTheMoorsnovicefather2thestreetzmikewaldron115rod_vazquezLyn__Sanitydsherb002
    gigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopupKittySaysMeeowSleepsinwetspotNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,611
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchCockydudeprobsMisterMe300uberfoxyElleArkhipovanovicefatherImogen_OrrTimmsmiff
    • 786
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchmrsmauiMisterMe300novicefatherMemories1960are_u_new_herewenzlerknicfit75
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,555
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchLambyMcSheepsstarwarsshirtkinglikestosingsassyassbellaFaux_MaGreeneyedMofomerican_ninjy
    • 791
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchsassyassbellaPaulyJHNicholeInOne88merican_ninjyddsmidthippocroteezdarrrkstarrr
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,434
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchstarwarsshirtnovicefatherTweetingDadGuyDMPuckMediocreDesingTedGanasc3vo_king
    • 678
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchMayrommomcdncntryvettechare_u_new_hereDanTheLeoTwoBodyProblemnicfit75c3vo_king
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,306
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchry12garvOutOnTheMoorsstarwarsshirtrockandrolltartkatz_ginanovicefathernicfit75
    • 572
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchSoapCrazery12garvOutOnTheMoorsanerdonfireGodivaInBluesuthernhostile__t2_tobin
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,299
    • FAVS
    BitterBeyatchstarwarsshirtTweetingDadGuyZoeeebolognaJubafisherTCKPondersmarriottaicerunnr
    • 408
    • RETWEETS
    BitterBeyatchZoeeebolognaJubafisheriBLOOdyNONSENSEavekarlnovicefatherTheKeionLJones__MasterOfFury
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,045
    • FAVS
    starwarsshirtnovicefathernicfit75simonchollandfacciabellasheseemslegitJustFollownRTdru0887
    • 495
    • RETWEETS
    GreensboroVetsheseemslegitt2_tobinlllvvvzzzAGreaterMonsterTlaxBoy05Marcisgoinham__caitinerbst
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 983
    • FAVS
    OutOnTheMoorsLambyMcSheepsstarwarsshirtTweetingDadGuybbyvelociraptorBardenMsnicfit75facciabella
    • 452
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsTobinsanbbyvelociraptornakedlaughingMasterOfFurysheseemslegitt2_tobinDJLIWIKZ
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerWizardOfRonnativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,026
    • FAVS
    JesssicleOutOnTheMoorsLambyMcSheepsleahlovescheezJulescoopOpenClassMXBirgitte70RubyFBI
    • 369
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorsRekeijiclemwinWritelinkssandyfxlONECTGIRLsilent_musings_Hanif_08
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,022
    • FAVS
    JesssicleOutOnTheMoorsstarwarsshirtnovicefathernicfit75SavoirFailtkeilaNick_DeBrincat
    • 340
    • RETWEETS
    OutOnTheMoorslllvvvzzzSureshMKothariMasterOfFuryiammaylynn__Savage_ScavangecigarexecTlaxBoy05
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUXCajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 990
    • FAVS
    Jesssiclestarwarsshirt9DaysOldfacciabellamadcameljockeySavage_ScavangeJustFollownRTt2_tobin
    • 365
    • RETWEETS
    TheKeionLJones__MasterOfFuryiKipsangSavage_Scavanget2_tobinAGreaterMonsteritsmetrbTlaxBoy05
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDieEgg_Plantation____
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.