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  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,445
    • FAVS
    lethabomaesela1clevinniejcraigpereiravenuselliotShaneClements12MenardSaratherealCHASERfindanotherboy
    • 3,172
    • RETWEETS
    lethabomaesela1craigpereiraDuaneABarrettbvttfrickerwarriorgigglesKillingTime2015EradiKaittDatDirtyDrummer
    RandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 4,172
    • FAVS
    EmBDickensPetrickSaraSheilajMcGregorjahwarriah92mplum1015thequeensheartclevinniejGG246810
    • 2,590
    • RETWEETS
    stephschattemancraneenergythequeensheartclevinniejGG24681078GriffinLuvsMyMunchkieSuzziesGash
    thetobbieAHoundNamedAlbaTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayneDsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoog__JustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,610
    • FAVS
    clevinniejnicksmithworldTRBLmakerJBSvenuselliotfindanotherboyCrunk_JewsCaptainChaos251noneofyours99
    • 2,746
    • RETWEETS
    nicksmithworldashleylouise23TRBLmakerJBSGlen_CoCo_jacob_ROARravingrantCrunk_Jewspetrmisan
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,100
    • FAVS
    ejkubiak06Starlight2112BadMikeyBadsiennamosheShiftingears44robinarm1964MissyBombinoMsVenture
    • 2,406
    • RETWEETS
    ejkubiak06MissyBombinononeofyours99gaytrirana53gibbetRosierowsbrowneyedgirlAMAngrEdmontonian
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,655
    • FAVS
    ms73Tangltweetsamazymay72xchristhegasmanMsVenturenoneofyours99AngrEdmontoniansheepandrobots
    • 1,990
    • RETWEETS
    Tangltweetsamazymay72xpetrmisanCaptainChaos251MsVenturenoneofyours99geishalynmohamudmohamud
    babyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmAHoundNamedAlbaKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,452
    • FAVS
    HarmonyRamblesAngrEdmontoniansheepandrobotsGeliophobicsgnatmagsallymellsunnydaydream95lilyrampersad
    • 1,545
    • RETWEETS
    HarmonyRamblesAngrEdmontoniana_olivia4212MsAngelina03iRoc_85kathybotteasDaddysSearchnknikole
    Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,208
    • FAVS
    HarmonyRamblesTRBLmakerJBSvenuselliotRacingMason13findanotherboyCorinalynn66moreno_antoniaKurlyKrissy
    • 1,194
    • RETWEETS
    baby_bish_HarmonyRamblesTRBLmakerJBSwarriorgigglesRacingMason13Corinalynn66jacob_ROARmoreno_antonia
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mHeyZeus666heated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 1,954
    • FAVS
    SunOfNoneEAKozmozPitinkajinxcatblueswollenvoiceUnIxphyscolilmiss_valeriegnatmag
    • 1,272
    • RETWEETS
    ereed33colettethoxSunOfNoneEAKozmozjinxcatbluetrashtasticaswollenvoicea_olivia4212
    peachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,794
    • FAVS
    swollenvoice1Happytwitidgaf_timekwirkyKerricathyperry46HappyHijabbiFuckinKillMemycherie2006
    • 1,009
    • RETWEETS
    mohamudmohamudkwirkyKerricrunchyymommyyHappyHijabbimycherie2006DsouzaJennifermetterfalconLove_bug1016
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,772
    • FAVS
    swollenvoiceBlackCheesePiesheepandrobotsUnIxphysco1HappytwitFuckinKillMeBlunt_Sarcasticsportyrocks
    • 856
    • RETWEETS
    sheepandrobotsEarnieMacIntireOneLastStrangerLove_bug1016TheNixKilroeaka_NotStarksummers_sonnyraydoty143
    MsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopupKittySaysMeeowSleepsinwetspotNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,703
    • FAVS
    VexenRiversbeatricemugbuffalove025OneTinyTweetfindanotherboymoreno_antonia0MGitsJ3SSCrunk_Jews
    • 872
    • RETWEETS
    buffalove025Ohgoddessitsmesoul_to_squeezjacob_ROARlola_818Crunk_Jewsrjohnson291eford89
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,679
    • FAVS
    UnIxphyscoa_olivia4212KThonvold1HappytwitRussHamellife_suckercathyperry46DangerDollyMFC
    • 831
    • RETWEETS
    mohamudmohamudRussHamelKellawanVickybewegungslosBeamishBoiHappyHijabbiringadoonSmokeontheTrack
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,492
    • FAVS
    a_olivia42121Happytwittweeterafclemwincbotha82OneLastStrangerStalkyoulaterwalesboy1972
    • 716
    • RETWEETS
    tweeterafsingh_saurabh1OneLastStrangerwalesboy1972Izzy_PresleySadieSmithRokscallme_KENYAShar_Awn
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,368
    • FAVS
    UnIxphyscoidgaf_timeGoodLikkerEarnieMacIntirechrizmeyerOneLastStrangerdianna92345murlobb
    • 613
    • RETWEETS
    kwirkyKerriOneLastStrangerlukepapesummers_sonnystarwarsshirtSadieSmithRoksYorickeVnientiqui
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,360
    • FAVS
    UnIxphyscoashleyeline1Happytwitidgaf_timekwirkyKerriFuckinKillMemental_meandersHiHighHigher
    • 444
    • RETWEETS
    BonJovi32kwirkyKerriFatFett1SadieSmithRoksRoyal_Fuckerw00f_w00fcraneenergy__FandiKhan
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,077
    • FAVS
    UnIxphyscoKThonvold1HappytwitjibbjabHuh46XalqeekwirkyKerriTheWarden51
    • 513
    • RETWEETS
    skookerGHuh46InequalityIsBadkwirkyKerrimental_meandersSweetTweet2009walesboy1972Vapid_Waste
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,026
    • FAVS
    thenextbestpresa_olivia42121HappytwitJust_Jen73thefunleikwirkyKerridevsmadden11ritu2295
    • 477
    • RETWEETS
    Just_Jen73kwirkyKerriKimberlyVerhoev3_liviHappyHijabbiaimlessamersiMayaK_uniquebachha
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,093
    • FAVS
    a_olivia42121Happytwitidgaf_timekwirkyKerriboredtojeersaimlessamersdianna92345SadieSmithRoks
    • 405
    • RETWEETS
    idgaf_timekwirkyKerriboredtojeersaka_NotStarkuniquebachhaSadieSmithRoksnizzamnzBobbiChicagoK
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,035
    • FAVS
    1HappytwitkwirkyKerriFuckinKillMeaimlessamerssheefaaaaaBitchFantastic1b4sageParentNormal
    • 394
    • RETWEETS
    Aman93deepkwirkyKerriNarrowPathBWDrowningBlondegirlontapasDir_Gobshiteslizajames1968AllenStarr1
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,061
    • FAVS
    N_Makhaye1HappytwitkwirkyKerrimurlobbJackThe63189279buffalove025SadieSmithRoksabhorrent_wife
    • 363
    • RETWEETS
    N_MakhayeAman93deepkwirkyKerriSadieSmithRoksBitchFantastic1KAT_erRNella__fraserDrowningBlonde
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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