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Okay, we shall bug you no longer
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    A cig takes 7 minutes off your life

    A piece of bacon takes 9 minutes off your life

    According to my calculations I should have died in 1812

    • 4,813
    • FAVS
    geeemmpeeCogitoeSelaSmellaMomOfTeenbevJacksauntbeastieshalyndelmil_h0use
    • 3,415
    • RETWEETS
    geeemmpeelauracevedoxSmooches3468bevJacksFanta_FlavaThee1_4UNrvous1LurkAtHomeMom
    RandomManik__OnlyFastEddiethetobbieMichaelLarrickswiftenhaalBillFienbergpbear79Jennifergr8caliraingirlI_Mee_Myself_ShaunRightNowadamtrossgolflvvzzKindOfASmartass__AllThingsCLEVEjferg1616skullpuppy11sarcazm2RedJakiBlueJaySuchMarcusTheTokenpinaplMosedogg
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    My voicemail greeting:

    Hey, it's me. Please hang up and text me.

    • 4,742
    • FAVS
    OhHey_CareLotusBladetexfuncamgirlBmxBrandonGibbsstormzadorkwickedsugaJAX_226jjgrape
    • 3,000
    • RETWEETS
    wickedsugaJAX_226jjgrapeboobsareimpliedSheDoneGoodGeekasaurus99argonautleadertoddwsmith_
    _jennjennthetobbieKendellMaddenTitansHomerlvvzzjus4golfdonofalltrades1tylerisajokemomma0315iBlayne__DsTwitzhoneybadgerMeldjr_102VeuxsNotoriousCLEnoogJustASmirkTwitacide________
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    If two people love each other nothing is impossible...

    Except deciding where to eat.

    • 3,778
    • FAVS
    maburrsecoldrachellelynnie1PittsburghSarahSuzetteNeptuneFlat7UpOsceolaHunterThee1_4Ushalyndel
    • 2,824
    • RETWEETS
    lucy_nyholm123Mama2JudeSmooches3468Thee1_4UNrvous1bchristiamaLurkAtHomeMomchappell_casey
    BwanaChris1800RandygvicksiGreenMonkHairyJew4LifepalokinJosesLovesYouCYComedyslave_leia__martianhaiku______jferg1616Mr_goose007nativerogueportajon__________RummyLaudedhoneybadgerMelpiplips
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You all hate smokers until you need to light a birthday cake…

    • 3,357
    • FAVS
    kalra_rishekViratian_xoTulyHtownKris_buggVishalManve12OhSnapItsSummerjlm342msillusionise
    • 2,594
    • RETWEETS
    JuliaaBurke_MeenakshiVparasrishiAyooJayKris_buggMy_Own_Summeraromal_lfcnattypawluk
    TheBeerGuy73MrsJekyllsHydePeaceInTruth1curlymalloyKostandinia______Xalqeecessperiencemarebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Snooki is breeding and you mother fuckers are worried about gay marriage...

    • 2,745
    • FAVS
    maburrsecoldmil_h0useWendyChristie19alsweetgumLurkAtHomeMomI_Bl33d_Purpleheatherjszokobaby
    • 2,038
    • RETWEETS
    LurkAtHomeMomzokobabygirl_a_whirlOU812BKWscott_atlantaEvannOseyejuking6Cammille26
    SharpeBytesbabyblue0924StarksWeek__itsaRawDawgSweetestSarcasmKendellMaddenKate_GoldsmithGroperCleveland
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You had me irritated at hello...

    • 2,722
    • FAVS
    KinkSupplymil_h0useverojunorayyyychWendyChristie19dhilliard74LurkAtHomeMomMsRed0622
    • 1,748
    • RETWEETS
    treycelately13MickiBlueLurkAtHomeMomMDovauthorbayalyssaxiadara2Cyd10erxbxccav
    GreeneyedMofoTheBeerGuy73Ideal_VictoriafelixosheaSarcasticsapienlittlekitnerboyCpin42cynicuhlmrschaotic__
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    No... I'm not drunk.

    Floors need hugs too...

    • 2,256
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useverojunoDarkTallBastardadanzqueenkennelkenny92alsweetgumLurkAtHomeMomheatherjs
    • 1,224
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardkennelkenny92LurkAtHomeMomBredwhgirl_a_whirlfewwordsonlyUp2Longddsmidt
    RyanKeith15______DukeOfOyl________mrt1mrealHamOnWryheated___________bdbdleeroybrown
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    It’s not you.

    It’s me.

    I have standards.

    • 2,052
    • FAVS
    msnadineltmeowpolowascott_atlantatricyclerunawayms73mil_h0useechostweetsAsofterme
    • 1,335
    • RETWEETS
    meowpolowascott_atlantavagina_cupcakeAsoftermegalinthedressCourtneyPaghQuietMindIIAJslackie
    SharpeBytespeachey_keenMaxine12333Smirk_NinjaLostWarriorPoet__Nicholey23__HysteriaBarbieThedudishTDD_Says_Trophy
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I'm glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.

    • 1,944
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomrmoultoncapitalLA_Detroitmwesh22dolceP420iloveweed_BongRipBarbie_
    • 995
    • RETWEETS
    Philip37937rmoultoncapitalStoneyDazedliftedl0serdolcePStonedOnPlutocozbelligerentH8Sboys
    MsSScandal__treadmilldgigglegirlnoelchrisanna4realgingerfacedprontopup__KittySaysMeeowweathrgirlmargeNorthernMagic____
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Being on Twitter doesn't mean you don't have a life. It means you have a life worth tweeting about.

    • 1,840
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjsTheReal_AndyMacVanilla_cupcakgirl_a_whirldru0887heer3967
    • 1,047
    • RETWEETS
    Vanilla_cupcaknotyourpapagirl_a_whirldru0887fewwordsonlyUp2LongPwnStar629junejuly12
    OneLastStrangerSamePageDifDayBruceForcethetobbieBigBagOfScumloribuckmajorThe_MentalystLeaMehannathedailymarkerblueshellsd______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I plan on getting "never invited back" drunk tonight.

    • 1,803
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomTOPLAWDOGWillBurke4Foodtitusbbarivera091k_wordsworthMelissaKittchen
    • 941
    • RETWEETS
    _katelynicoleDownFrontArtistgingerfacedTheSuperParentsrikcole521heatherlou_RidenerTinapam_c_m
    lynyrdsbackyardHurly_BurlyTrueTorontoGirl
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    When I have to make a phone call and it goes to voicemail...

    I feel like I just won the lottery.

    • 1,775
    • FAVS
    Mama2Judemaburrsecoldmil_h0useDarkTallBastardcreativeTypeDadRobinRachaelrayyyychWendyChristie19
    • 895
    • RETWEETS
    maburrsecoldDarkTallBastardstephypocketzmamahailzjeanholtonLurkAtHomeMomnotyourpapalethabomaesela1
    Social_MimeAspersioncasttissytassy13______Stoneman1122______
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Black, white, gay, straight, Christian, Jewish... It doesn't matter. It's all good.

    But a Pepsi drinker...

    • 1,568
    • FAVS
    maburrsecoldmil_h0useverojunoDarkTallBastardcreativeTypeDadmamahailzsquirrelshortsCogitoe
    • 760
    • RETWEETS
    DarkTallBastardlaura_lemlovestained555CarrawayswayLurkAtHomeMomfewwordsonlyUp2LongSam_Crates
    Marcisgoinham__CherBear162JustASmirk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Fuck Waldo... Where am I?

    • 1,451
    • FAVS
    Cogitoemil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomSDPlissken1stupidolwelderMc_WhiskersBoleyngirlyheatherjs
    • 673
    • RETWEETS
    kmjjmeowMc_WhiskersheatherjsthepoojaprojectswirlOsquirrelThe1WhosCrazySilleViojaggedape
    Savage_ScavangeGenevieve0404marebytes
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The problem with MILFs... kids.

    • 1,433
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjsSlim_is_FatRICKSH0Wjuneohara65fewwordsonlyUp2Long
    • 483
    • RETWEETS
    juneohara65fewwordsonlyi_wasnt_lookingOverxposd__T_A_Whitney2happyrightTkapilrautelaThedontoya
    IamEveryDayPplCantankerous_E
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    The fact that we are still debating equal rights for all US citizens in the year 2012 is fucking embarrassing.

    • 1,113
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomtddfnstupidolwelderheatherjsgirl_a_whirlthejodiestfewwordsonly
    • 532
    • RETWEETS
    stupidolwelderheatherjsgirl_a_whirlfewwordsonlyUp2Longgarbageguy420thequeenshearti_wasnt_looking
    honeybadgerMelnativerogueDeanB15Cayenne7300Kim_pulsivePeaceInTruth1Sci_Fi_Geek
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    You know the one you lie awake at night and think about.

    The one every song reminds you of.

    The one your heart aches for.

    Go. Get. Her.

    • 1,076
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomfreshestgingerGirlNextDoorYYCmoxiebloggerheatherjslionynVanilla_cupcak
    • 497
    • RETWEETS
    GirlNextDoorYYCheatherjsVanilla_cupcakdru0887fewwordsonlySteveKoehler22One2thTEXANBroncosfam22
    SerialFuckupladyfiredancerrain247mannativeroguehipchkk
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    I repeat...

    Twitter is about people. Not followers.

    Stop being a little bitch.

    • 1,142
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjsscott_atlantafewwordsonlyUp2LongWardS419FakeDeanAccount
    • 431
    • RETWEETS
    scott_atlantafewwordsonlyTheBeerGuy73i_wasnt_lookingSteveKoehler22One2thTEXANarcherenemyImCMJadeja
    MasterOfFuryCarter_TCBHisDancingBitchletsdancebitchs
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    Were you born a bitch or did that get fucked into you?

    • 1,125
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjsdru0887ianjalivaswanifewwordsonlyUp2LongBigJonBul
    • 402
    • RETWEETS
    Munalula91KissabiXli4mst3w4rtfewwordsonlybradgearoni_wasnt_lookingOne2thTEXANarcherenemy
    MzSweetcheeks_eTHEgoddessDEUX__CajunKuzin________FunnyInMyHead
  • One_FineMess
      Dakota @One_FineMess

    At times my tweets can be over the top and offensive. If at any time I've ever offended you, I sincerely say... Man the fuck up.

    • 1,090
    • FAVS
    mil_h0useLurkAtHomeMomheatherjsTheReal_AndyMacVanilla_cupcaklethabomaesela1girl_a_whirlscott_atlanta
    • 424
    • RETWEETS
    Vanilla_cupcaklethabomaesela1girl_a_whirlscott_atlantaInnocent_prickClevetroitBabyVampirosMishaCoxxx
    tehBoodha_________Prozach74________RadOrDie__Egg_Plantation____
@One_FineMess

@One_FineMess
Pro

I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.

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