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Been at the mall for tax free weekend less than 5 minutes and already dropped my shoulder into the chest of some asshole.
I wonder which gene lesbians have that make us think gray and khaki go together.
Do you eat that with chopsticks?
You take bowling seriously. That's about all I need to know.
Your parents taught you to say please because it's polite.
I'll give you a much more pleasurable reason.
*moves desk into HR office*
I got what I asked for, but now I don't want it.
- a kid's memoir
Nice try motivation. Really nice try.
*high fives Xanax prescription*
For the love of fuck, can we just stop shooting each other.
"So are ya'll going to get married now?"
Gee, thanks Supreme Court.
My current mood can best be described as Archie Bunker, drunk, at a minorities luncheon.
Telling me to cheer up is about as effective as telling a Kennedy to have a safe trip.
I hate it when I'm reminded that no matter how scalding the water you simply can't wash off the depression.
I want to fuck like frogs in the rain.
Another shining example of why I hide my phone from myself when drinking
I tried to walk with some pep in my step and ended up spraining my big toe.
Just stepped on the scale.
I'll be here hanging at the end of this rope if you need me.
Well. That sucked.
- a memoir
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.
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