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She downloaded a Taylor Swift song onto my iTunes account.
*officer gives me high-five*
*we go have donuts*
Note To Self:
Do whatever it takes to take your morning shit prior to your chiropractic appointment.
Insecure and petty.
Well aren't you just a bundle of making me exhausted.
I'll suck a dick before I set foot in another Chuck E Cheese.
Went out of my way to find out who sang a song on the radio only to find it was One Direction
I'll be here driving off a cliff if u need me
It's not even noon on the first day of the 4's Spring Break, but I can already sum this up in two words...
She even makes me enjoy mornings.
I don't know if I should be grateful or kill her because she's obviously a spawn of satan.
Why is it that so often, in order to free your own heart, you must break someone else's...
I really hate it when my own rational thoughts prevent me from being a brat.
Being an adult is stupid.
He ended a conversation by saying "toodles".
HR: *Tosses ziplock with bloody balls in trash* Have a great day.
I hate to be the one to break this to you, but you're not funny, clever or insightful enough not to RT.
Fear has kept me from being truly happy for far to long.
It's. My. Time.
Don't hesitate to tell her everything you feel.
What you leave out may be exactly what she needs to hear.
I let the 4yo drink two full glasses of sweet tea before dropping her off at the in-laws, because I'm a passive aggressive asshole.
Listing to this chick give out relationship advise while knowing her husband is banging her BFF makes being around people worth it today.
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.
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