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Taking the 3yo on her first plane ride today, so I'll be wearing a shirt that says I'm Sorry.
Just ran out the backdoor with a little enthusiasm & now me and the pups are looking at each other trying to figure out what just happened.
By all means please spend the next 45 minutes bitching at someone on Twitter for taking Twitter too seriously.
Skinny jeans in plus sizes because, why?!?
Thought I was having a heart attack so I went outside for a smoke to calm myself down because, brilliant.
Apparently this is the time slot all the neighbors get home from work. I won't be going outside at 6pm ever again.
5 total texts that included...
And now I have my entire weekend planned.
Take that linguistics major!
I enjoy taking items out of people's shopping carts and imagining how pissed off they get when they unpack their groceries.
Just reheated the entire coffee pot in the microwave because this is not a one cup at a time type of morning.
My company asked me to facilitate a face to face meeting with 100+ participants at 7:45am.
That's it. That's the fucking tweet.
Well. Sure. That spray tan looks fantastic if you were going for umpa lumpa orange.
It's sex. Not marriage.
Just go with it.
Walked outside with 3 lighters and no cigs, so I'm trying to set a stick on fire and inhale the smoke because fuck walking back inside.
Can one of you call 911? I think I broke something while diving behind the couch when the doorbell rang.
I understand they're healthier & cheaper...
But I'd rather die young & poor than walk around looking like a douche sucking on an "e-cig".
Put a hidden camera in my car and video the things I do/say when I'm in it alone and you'd have all you need for my involuntary commitment.
Did you just write a tweet apologizing for not being on Twitter for awhile?
It was 3 days bro... 3 days.
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.