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Come on TMZ...
Where's the Dez Bryant video?!?
I'd run away from home, but that would require exercise.
An employee just scheduled a same day meeting so I'll now be looking for a reason to fire him.
Kid: Sweet, no school!
College Student: Sweet! *takes nap*
Parent: Fuck! *day drinks and pops xanax*
Did you decide what to get him for his birthday?
16: Oh. I forgot to think.
And there you have it folks. The teenage years in a nutshell.
Lady Gaga is engaged.
Welcome to rock bottom.
At Ringling Bros. circus....
Saw a lion trained well enough to allow his handler to put his head in his mouth.
And a kid on a leash...
We are the biggest cluster fuck ever, but I wouldn't trade us for any thing or any one in this world.
Happy Valentine's Day...
Just enjoying the kind of insomnia that makes you want to punch yourself in the head until you pass out.
I feel like I'm cheating when Trivia Crack asks me a question about mental disorders.
Combine one night owl with one light sleeper and watch the arguments begin.
Figured out how to remove myself from group texts and now my life is perfect.
God... I've been patient. Very patient.
You're starting to piss me off.
Just had an hour long DM conversation without the other person ever responding in case you were wondering how strong my game is.
I'm sorry you're stupid, but that's not what I meant.
Wow. You're going to have your hands full.
Your kid is already a fucking brat. Get the little shit under control.
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.
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