Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Oh calm down. It was an auto correct.
I didn't mean to call you butch.
I meant to call you a bitch.
Thought I'd lost some weight.
Then I put on pants with a button.
Just accidentally ate one of those red peppers they put in Chinese food and I think this may be my last tweet ever.
I once wrote a list of 100 things I loved about her.
I reread it.
It's now titled, 89 things that bug the shit out of me.
Love is grand.
I don't care how many followers you have. No one wants to see a pic of your fucking cat.
"Sorry I'm late. Every fucking church between here and home was letting out."
Apparently, not the appropriate intro at Sunday brunch.
To my friends that will ask me if I read my own tweets (like my last one). The answer is...
Yes. And, fuck you.
You know that feeling you're afraid to let yourself feel...
If it wasn't for trash night I'd never have to go outside.
I hate trash night.
The 5yo just rubbed my belly and said... You kinda look pregnant.
Let me know if you're interested in a kid. I'll FedEx her overnight.
I think I just invented the "subtweet trophy".
Pretty impressed with myself right now.
You love them because they're family...
Never mind that their shitty human beings?
I bet you also believe in "participation" trophies.
Why is it that unannounced company are always the people you'd prefer to see the least...
It's not even November yet, but I'm already twitching over the sounds of the inevitable Salvation Army Christmas bells.
I'm on a list titled "often good stuff"
Suck on that you Twitter "elite"
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.
Like @One_FineMess’s tweets? Extend their Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Extend their Pro!