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I think my demons turn her on.
Med change day 1:
I have a lazy eye. I think. My pupils are too fucking dilated to see anything.
Ever hit send, then tried to snatch the text off your phone screen like you'd snatch a piece of paper out of someone's hand?
Apparently my hair stylist can't cut and talk at the same time so I just had her fitted with a ball gag.
I have no idea if I'm good at Trivia Crack, but I'm a fucking genius at Googling answers in under 30 seconds.
Of course I use cream and sugar.
Otherwise this shit would taste like coffee.
I take ice cold showers so I have to move quickly because daily exercise is important.
Just tried shaving with my left hand so I'll be here bleeding out if you need me.
*yawns and stretches dramatically*
Mom: Is that your daily workout?
Kate Hudson at the Golden Globes...
Surprise me by showing up at my hotel room door so I know it's real
Or maybe you're a stalker
Either way the sex will be great so whatever
Sometimes you can't help wishing the ride home was just a little bit longer.
Be sure to sit on your ass & do nothing on MLK Day while we take the time to honor a man who worked tirelessly to make us all better people
By the time this Richard Marx hold music is over it will be too late to complain to customer service because I'll have bled out.
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.