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Ok. Wait. It seems I’m becoming the optimistic one.
That’s not at all sustainable.
I’ve never had a matching pair of bra and panties, but my boxers and socks usually match.
I’m having one of those Waffle House in sweats, no bra, with a slight lazy eye caused by last nights drinking kind of mornings.
It isn’t your lack of self control that concerns me… it’s mine.
Holding one while loving another.
Seems like a slow lonely death for all the hearts involved.
Just spent 20 minutes starring at the smoke alarms only to realize the sound was coming from the TV in case intelligence is important to you
Being part of a tweet thanking multiple people for a ToTD is like being asked out by a cousin.
You appreciate the gesture. But fuck you.
Yes. I have a slight strut in my walk.
Expecting me to get rid of it, is like expecting Jordan to miss a clutch shot.
Never gonna happen.
No dance floor
I love the way we dance…
Your aloofness humors me.
Impotent, but cute.
GF turned around to give me the stink eye, ran into the door, I laughed & anyway should I remove the knife from my chest or let the ER do it
F: What’s Twitter like?
Crack. It’s addictive. You lose your RL friends and family and you always feel like you’re being followed.
“I know your time is very valuable, so I’ll just jump right in”
Yep… and you just wasted 5 seconds of it.
*searched internet for the best exercise routines*
Shut the door on your past.
Nail that fucker shut.
It’ll just crawl through your open window when you least expect it.
I know the importance of treating them like a lady.
That’s why I always lay a towel over the wet spot before I make them sleep in it.
I thought I saw her tonight…
After spilling my drink and swallowing my gum I rationally concluded that I’m totally over her.
Hey, people without small children around, how fucking nice is it to enjoy a hot cup of coffee.
I'm a chick that digs chicks. I love dudes. I just don't fuck them.