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Some girl got 3 tits? Pffft. I have 4 tits every time I sit down.
I think I'm just more surprised that a black person lives in Alaska rather than her quitting by saying "fuck this job".
Janeane Garofalo, Ted Alexandro, Jim Gaffigan , DC Benny and Judah Friedlander on one show...and still some lady wouldn't shut up.
I think a real sex tape of Cameron Diaz would fail at the box office also.
Dinner party is going great. I've shifted from anti social to 'guy that can't stop eating'.
I wish my girlfriend loved me as much as she loves gay guys.
My dog ate some kale off the floor. What a fucking hipster.
Mulaney should have been called Whiteish.
Tinder but for burger joints.
If you're ever gonna buy yourself an ice cream sandwich, go ahead and buy yourself two.
Comic appearing on @AXStv @iamroadcomic and weekly on @hammerfisting podcast
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