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  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    Its not that I hate everyone, its just that everyone is stupid and I hate stupid people

    • 172
    • FAVS
    acycoCpt_KarnageitsmedonA_SmartAssiGreenMonkTheCareBareWilliamRodgersdemented_Ash
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    Cpt_KarnageitsmedonRandomBestA_SmartAssTheCareBarerobatmoURKidnRiteAngryNYfan
    llvvzzzFSUSteve__________UrFavAsianGuyIts_that_guy_J
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    So wait, America is ok with a contest celebrating a man shoving meat down his throat & yet Gay Marriage still isn't legal in all 50 states?

    • 92
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionCpt_KarnageTheCareBareAllInWith7sNavy_Bean_SoupDeannaBoonerTheRealSonOfMJTuvescon__________
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    Cpt_KarnageVinnyTheCenzoTheCareBareAllInWith7sDeannaBoonerTheRealSonOfMJTuvescon___________lunabars
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    Whenever I am extremely bored with life I post a political status on facebook and watch my friends battle each other like its crips v bloods

    • 82
    • FAVS
    TongueMyFartboxcapt_awesome42CrackedIllusionacycoCpt_KarnagegoldenxviiiMandaLynn314jennifer_nelsen
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    CrackedIllusionCpt_KarnagenottatsmartMandaLynn314qbkiller79TerriffanySTheCareBareisaidwhat_
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    I won't be making any Tsunami jokes. I do however wish the Tsunami would have wiped out the Westboro Baptists instead

    • 73
    • FAVS
    acycoTheCareBareCpt_Karnageroadkill3xedbritonserialmatrixvajjiefbabyDanteEvilCat
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500Favsmikedevine3The_RedSheepdogCookieVangelistfavstar_popCaliGirlinORSieliRabbitstarmunches
    thisjason
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    Hey, Michelle Duggar - ITS A VAGINA! Not a god damn clown car!

    • 57
    • FAVS
    TongueMyFartboxBitchFantastic1CrackedIllusionacyco29KBCpt_KarnageKnobstradamusTheCareBare
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    TongueMyFartboxCrackedIllusionKnowmenot216Cpt_KarnageKnobstradamusBongoHits4JesusGirlNextDoorNicsmurf_banger
    GrimTruth23Mothpete
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    I hope that Westboro Baptist CUNT Margie J. Phelps and her entire family & cult cunt followers dies in a fucking fire of AIDS

    • 55
    • FAVS
    Cpt_Karnageroadkill3xedbritonDanKCharnleyporkrimsen________MV1984serialmatrixZepsBlackDog42
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsCYComedyCatMarieKkayypeters_dgoodno1Shortestraw____CatnapMavenDanteEvilCat
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    I love how Twitter offers a verified option for people that are Famous. They should offer me a verified account by verifying i'm a cunt

    • 73
    • FAVS
    acycoCpt_Karnageroadkill3xJ0hnnyBlazeedbritonlorena_or_magda__ashlar36SybilKrane
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    stewnamiCYComedyFavstar500Favs_caitlinmoserSexyGeek354______GoGoTaggMolly_Kats
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to last longer than 30 seconds...

    • 55
    • FAVS
    acycoCpt_KarnageAtheenuahHypatiaUnboundsweettonya29woolman_audie__CrashTestDrummyTheCareBare
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    Favstar500FavsTheCareBareWhiskeyBurritonerdshameCYComedydawn_chezNickadoo
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    Just got asked by a friend what I thought my wedding song would be. I replied "Smack my Bitch Up" and they hung up on me.

    • 46
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusion1cynicalbitchTheCareBareCpt_Karnageroadkill3xazedand2knotsJ0hnnyBlazeedbriton
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    Cpt_KarnageCYComedyvajjiefbabyMizBlueBallskittenishcutieEmilyJeanKempoffendthisDe_Rex86
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    What's your favorite bedtime story to read a date? #AskRKelly

    • 19
    • FAVS
    HeySheridanCrackedIllusionMaceo_247theslyryDilan_A7_mrg33k_ChandonCamilDarcyDevareux
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    grkpektis3briannashaw_Tre_FoTrYouthsNattuDaoudMissChiMystiquelambsenglish1inaBillionGuy
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    If I follow you, and you live tweet the #VMA's I won't just block & report you for spam, I will find you from your location map & murder you

    • 38
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionTheCareBareroadkill3xazedand2knotsedbritonDanKCharnleyFeliciovsStexcy
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    SinD357__________dngrzone__________QuiGonJinnAClkwrkStarfishSteelFontanaAngellaSharpeBWMuddstarryblonde21
    SteelFontana
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    Jose Baez sounds like he's reading a Seinfeld script "George is worried about George. George is taking care of George" #ClosingArguments

    • 17
    • FAVS
    Cpt_KarnageedbritonDanKCharnleyStexcyDepecheALAmodeJessicaFancyzachheltzelKnightlyNinja
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    _Simply_EllenNickidewbearSLBRyanSquarePeg61Got2Luv_MeLPhoneHome1RIAWAHINEcand2jays
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    I'll never commit twittercide but I'm down to commit a few twurders!

    • 35
    • FAVS
    InkedAndAwesomeCrackedIllusionacycoTheCareBareJ0hnnyBlazeedbritonDanKCharnleyFeliciovs
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    CrackedIllusionTheCareBareghostofdreamsfavstar_poplulusgirl888trialfemmedakman33SteelFontana
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    By the way I want to congratulate Amy Winehouse on 3 weeks of sobriety. Keep up the great work!!

    • 30
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionedbritonDanKCharnleymike_checker______MothpeteStexcyDepecheALAmodeawesomeseank
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    JimNasiamsemuller__DaleDeLost________filhodachiquitathebiggameoverCharmingGrumpSuziDodtRacySlut
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    After being subjected to 3 Rihanna songs in a row, I'm not saying I condone it but I can understand why Chris Brown punched her

    • 29
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionCpt_KarnagecrassmamaDanKCharnleyedbritonvajjiefbabyDanteEvilCatFeliciovs
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    StevenStunezachheltzelshantybaibetyrantasorusadit_tiotajakusumah_caitlinmoserisaaclubow
    cfishing
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    By the way, its been awhile since I've done Anal but I'm assuming paying $45 to park a car for a concert is what it feels like

    • 34
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionTheCareBareCpt_Karnagemelba_dnuDanKCharnleyazedand2knotsJ0hnnyBlazeAndyAsAdjective
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    CYComedykittenishcutieRobDiesel23______KevinDeanGanderNate_T_Lopez
    Nate_T_Lopez
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    Twitter: Where everyone who doesn't have the balls to be an actual comic can be one from the privacy of their mom's basement

    • 34
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionTheCareBareCpt_KarnageAndyAsAdjectiveedbritonDanKCharnleyDanteEvilCatmike_checker______
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    kittenishcutieHappyHourBenHaveYouMetJoeyAlaaaaaaan_vp
    fuckmylife2hell
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    If the show "Dirty Jobs" with Mike Rowe ever ends, I think the finale should be cleaning the cast of the Jersey Shore

    • 32
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionABstoner44________Cpt_KarnageDanKCharnleyJ0hnnyBlazeedbritonCYComedyDanteEvilCat
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Cpt_KarnageWyLdAnIcANickadooTensePole________WittleBeetle______offendthis
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    I can't stop drinking about you

    • 27
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionDanKCharnleyCpt_KarnagelafpghDan_NemethllvvzzScottLinnendiedruh
    • 8
    • RETWEETS
    josepvazbitchikerladyfayez__WonderMonkey78NagibbyMothpeteAngryNYfanBrendaBren
    AngryNYfan
  • OriginalNixster
      Nixster @OriginalNixster

    JFK should've said "Ask not what your Country can do for you, because if its not painfully obvious by now; its nothing"

    • 30
    • FAVS
    CrackedIllusionCpt_KarnageDanKCharnleyazedand2knotsedbritonDanteEvilCatawesomeseankJessicaFancy
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    cjohnson397WyLdAnIcAShotOfBull
@OriginalNixster

@OriginalNixster

this is where I say I'm a comedian, right? Help me not rob a bank: http://www.gofundme.com/HelpOriginalNixster