Just found out the "pull out" method doesn't work, Just fucking great!, now I have to find a chick that use's the "anal/ leave in" method

I don't have to take shit off of you, I was a S.SGT in the Salvation Army! "This is my bell, Their are many like it but this one is mine".

Went down on my girl and right before she came I jumped up & said I need to get home to wash my hair, then ran out the apt yelling Inception

To the couple at Red Box, I'm hoping to be able to rent something before the sequel comes out.

Just drank a 5 hour energy drink, now I'm shaking like a dog shitting razor blades

Diabete-O! the Mexican caped crusader, able to leap tall fence's in a single bound, more powerful than a glucose tablet...

Say post, Say host, Say most, Say coast, What do you put in a toaster? _____.

Toast!?

Nope Bread!!

#FF @saraespivey @shellyspivey @firstworldwoman @crazymaking5591 @crassmama @sheila_mac420 @w34th3r1 @crankyasshole @bitchymctits

Me: I was out on a date and couldn't stop thinking bout' you. My X GF: Really?! Me: Yup, I was trying to keep myself from coming to fast.

Glad to see theres a lot on tv this time of morning. I can lose weight, steam my floor, get a vibrating rubber and a brazilian butt

I'm sorry but you're not half as good as your sister was, but hey better your sister than your mom, But your moms not bad. #Slapped

#FF @sissybelle78 @saraespivey @shellyspivey @crazymaking5591 @crassmama @narwhal_orient @bitchymctits @firstworldwoman coolest girls ever!

#FF @saraespivey @shellyspivey @classy_cassy89 @firstworldwoman @w34th3r1 @crankyasshole @crassmama @depechealamode @bitchymctits

#FF @w34th3r1 @crankyasshole @saraespivey @shellyspivey @peaceintruth1 @narwhal_orient @bitchymctits @exploringurmind @desi_princess

#FF my fav people on twitter @w34th3r1 @crankyasshole @saraespivey @shellyspivey @sheila_mac420 @bitchymctits @firstworldwoman

McConstipated!

I hate these fucking rainy days they remind of bad times

Dear,
Kid Rock
That's enough!

Regards

I really have to stop leaving my roaches on the dresser the spiders are getting cancer

Problems with my vision/ears think its the Viagra- been seeing things with a blue tint my girlfriend said take off those sunglasses, Me: Huh