Don't you just hate it when you're reading the word read and you realise you just read it in the wrong tense 'cos you're a twat?

Procrastinating on the Internet is the equivalent of staring into space. And your imaginary friends are all real.

Drama unfolding always makes me crave popcorn.

Sitting in front of a girl who's promised to call her bf at every station the train stops at. Maybe she'll shoot me in the head too.

When things like #replacegleesongswithlesbian is trending, my brain momentarily stops hating Beliebers. And then I hate myself.

I was born in Twitter jail.

I cannot deny my African roots seeing the ease at which I can carry heavy stuff on my head.

Green is not only a colour. These days it's also a refreshing flavour that probably gives you cancer.

It's foggy. Like God took a really long hot shower and forgot to ventilate.

since I've been awake Soulja Boy and Eddie Murphy RIPed. Icing on the cake would be #RIPBieber to complete my day of false hope

"Why are you just standing in the middle of your room naked when we have to go?"

Shh, I'm meditating. With the little people. In my phone.

When my Mum warned me that a boyfriend would distract me from studies I think she meant Twitter.

Just had a nightmare Justin Bieber's stepdad unleashed an army of demons on all unrepenting unbeliebers. Might be a premonition you guys.

If this weight comes back I'm going to take it to a secluded wood and shoot it in the back of the head so this time it stays "lost"

There are giant bits of moss walking around town. Some with bits of paint on them. Others with goggles.

I remember a time when real men didn't respect anything. Except each other. And their mothers. And stuff.

After many days of contemplation, I still have no idea who or what is a Warpole but I come across it on the internet so it must be, unicorn.

It's International Women's Day. Also International Kidney Day apparently. Chris Brown should donate both of his in honour.

My Mama taught me that "bacteria that doesn't kill you after making you ridiculously ill will only make you stronger"

I just compared adopting starving Ethiopian kids to adopting a kitten from the RSPCA. I'm just too white for my own good.