What did the one BlackBerry say to the other? Nothing.

Its actually sad... http://t.co/vBCfOuF

@religulous http://twitpic.com/642wvx

Mother says that alcohol is my enemy, Jesus says that I must love my enemy...

I'm scared that if I tweet something truly genius this late, it won't get the recognition it deserves...

Jesus: "Need an ark? I Noah guy"

Vagina jokes aren't fanny. Period.

Why did the chicken cross the road? A better question is: Why do u need to judge people by their choices in life to make urself feel better?

Grab someone dyslexic, tell em' "ehy"

My dad's best friend looks a lot like me. Such a funny coincidence.

I just discovered Favstar... So this is what people mean when they say people "star" their tweets? I feel old.

When I was 5, my mom used to pretend not to know me in shopping centres. She'd ask if I was lost & where my mom was. I still cry at night...

If you can't put the cap back on the toothpaste then you can get the fuck out of my life.

First question I ask friends who've just been overseas: "Where's my present?"

If cock was a food, you'd be obese...

BlackBerry must be a female. Only a woman can ignore you for three days flat and then pretend nothing was wrong...

My parents are divorced? #thingsyounoticewhenBBisbroken

"I don't know what to do, I'm just hungry, all the time..." *sobs* - Oprah

Complain, it's the white thing to do.

I LOLLED SO HARD! RT "@dizturbdwun: Ma'am, explain this. @kimkardashian http://t.co/qNdpfxM8"