Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I'm God's gift to women if he stopped at a gas station last minute.
Prank show where people come in to get their bad tattoos covered but end up with something hilariously worse. Offer to fix. Repeat.
RT if you'd drink a chocolate river despite the floating drowned German fat child
My homemade kale chips are in mason jars next to my sprouts, honey from my hive, and homemade ginger ale. What I'm saying is I'm an asshole.
looking up from my phone before my kid notices I wasn't really watching his 'cool trick' is my cool trick
Not many people know this, but I was in Braveheart. I was the dude in the final battle with “Big Dick 69” painted on his shield
Son when I was your age, we had to build our own Transformers. Just kidding, we bought them too. Son I just need to feel superior to someone
what idiot named it erectile dysfunction instead of ballzheimer's
Got a tree. Haven't put shit on it yet.
Harry potter and the boner in class
Sir, is this your latte? It says Benghazi in the foam. My manager would like to shake your hand
All I want is to be left alone but paid attention to by everyone.
Get money. Fuck one bitch. Start a life with that bitch. Invest wisely. Create a loving household for children.
My penis is like the tour de France because 180 men ride it each year and most of them are heavy drug users
I really can't stay / baby it's cold outside / I've got to get away / baby it's a maze outside /what is that noise / baby it's my minotaur
Drive Him Crazy In the Bedroom With These 3 Simple Moodswings
If your team sucks, just start cheering for a better team. You can literally be happy all the time. Fuck the system