@OverlandParker's (Michael Pierce) most faved Tweets...
My son asked why I'm drinking. My silence must have been a good answer because he turned around & slowly walked away in my wife's heels.
Drinking this glass of wine makes me feel all kinds of upper-middle class, like when I go to Walmart without a camouflage hat on.
I'm watching "The Sound of Music" on ABC. For those of you who have never seen it, it's a musical adaptation of how boring my night is.
If facebook has taught me anything, it's that no layout in the world can make my friends interesting.
This Holiday Season let's all come together as one and pray for all the disease and famine of the world to strike Farmville.
The keys to looking manly while holding your Wife's purse are: 1) Make sure the purse is brown & 2) Make sure you're in a Chewbacca costume.
Yesterday's move by @BillGates to start a Twitter account is by far the fastest adoption of new technology in the history of Microsoft.
I'm on the living room floor thinking about my failures as a father while my son sings to me & combs my hair with his My Little Pony brush.
A Secret Service memo reveals 91 White House security breaches between 1980 & 2003, not including 128 guests Clinton signed in as "Bitches".
As a Twitter courtesy I always DM new people I follow to introduce myself. Then I knock on their window & ask to sniff their hair.
I have to be honest, before the Winter Olympics I just thought Canada was a place Michael Moore made up.
Toyota makes a few thousand cars that don't stop & all of a sudden America forgets that GM has been making cars that don't start for years.
Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer indicated that the software giant may buy Twitter once they figure out a way to make the site more complicated.
Anyone who says Red Bull is bad for you must not have seen how fast I just ran across my living room.
I've spent hours trying to find a gift for my wife and am almost to the point of just giving her number to Tiger Woods.
The past 2 hours I spent at the mall would have been a lot more constructive if I looked for gifts instead of staring at mannequin nipples.
I gave my wife a foot massage while she napped but she hurt my feelings by yelling LEAVE ME ALONE & WHY ARE U RUBBING YOUR
FEET ON MY FACE.
FEET ON MY FACE.
I promise you that whoever said "Don't judge a book by it's cover" never saw a book wearing Nascar Crocs.
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