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Every time you hear a politician lambasting 'social media', just replace that phrase with 'people talking' and you're good to go.
Jon Bon Jovi says Steve Jobs killed the music industry. In fairness, Bon Jovi himself had badly wounded it.
The Queen watching the countries parading by: 'Owned it ... Owned it ... Still own it ... Want it ...' #London2012 #OpeningCeremony
Ireland’s ducks have issued a statement: ‘We wish to point out that this is not a “grand day” for us. We like water but we’re not insane.’
The name Dublin comes from the Gaelic 'dubh linn', meaning 'stag venue'. #IrishFactsWithoutWikipedia
Getting motivational talks from car park pay stations now. pic.twitter.com/d7JjhM8Zxr
Louis: "You're in the final! You sang your heart out! Today is Sunday! We all live on Earth! Shoes go on your feet! Fire is hot!" #XFactor
Good day for Sinn Fein. Quite a few people will be rolling over in their unmarked graves #GE11
These days Aeros are produced in large, fully-automated factories but there was a time when every village had its own Aerosmith.
Not sure if parenthood is for you? Try it out first by hiring a midget to follow you around, shouting about what they don’t want to eat.
The new President of France is called Hollande. This is going to confuse the living shit out of Fox news.
Imagine you had to fire an employee for incompetence but before he left, he got to outline company strategy for the next 4 years. #Bailout
Organisations like the #EDL are for people who have failed at everything, including correctly allocating blame for their failures.
I must know who owns these views that are being expressed! Are they the tweeter's own? To the bio!
A murder of crows. An aggravated burglary of pigeons. An insider trading of geese.
My Lithuanian barber: ‘All morning, teenage boys. One Direction, One Direction, One Direction. I prefer do your hair. Is No Direction.’
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, don't look in the ‘Misc’ folder on my computer.
Ireland is stuck between a rock, a hard place, a pointy place, a sticky place, a fiery place and a drunk guy throwing ninja stars. #Bailout
Bored? For the rest of the day, every time you hear the word 'someone', look scared and say 'or someTHING'.
Writer. I know! Exciting. See damienowens dot com for details.
