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I am fed up with all these incest jokes about us Kentuckians. It's offensive to me as well as Uncle Dad.
I just had sex with me for you.
You touch me.
Without being anywhere near me.
The ottoman and the desk chair get it on when the lights are off. Lazy Susan told me
“Life’a a gas.”- 1940s era Jews
Nope I don't follow everyone.
This is because I'm incapable of following all & giving the attention I like to those I follow.
My bad Xxx
When stalking at your home while you're away, I like to lay out the clothes that I want you to wear.
Because I fucking feel like it
Sometimes your demons and addictions are the most loyal friends you have in life.
I see what you did! Using apathy & your overwhelming ugliness to convince me Mother Nature hates you enough for the both of us. Well played.
I make great breakfast sex.
I just met up with 3 good friends for brunch, apparently we all have iPhones & couldn't care less about interacting with each other!
You: <joke> I'll show myself out.
Me: YES! I never have to read another fuckin tweet of yours ever again!
You: <another tweet>
Me: Fuck you!
Statistically, 1 in 25 of us lives next door to a pedophile.
Not me though.
I live next to a fucking stunning pair of seven year olds.
Fat girls put deodorant under their tits...
Pass it on...
I'm old enough to make bad decisions on my own
My pickup line is "Hey baby, wanna go to my place, eat cheeseburgers and fuck?" If she walks away, I assume she's a vegetarian.
Ma used to say I was wasting my time on twitter.
Until I found my future husband here.
That shut her up pretty damn quick Xxx
Insomnia. Because my brain doesn't do enough cluster-fuck cart-wheels anyhow.
160 characters? How am I suppose to deal with that