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Dear NASA, please consider less iambic rover names. "Opportunity" and "Curiosity" are kicking my butt. Yours, a dude with weird niche needs
I want to get an Impala just so I can call it Vlad.
me, to boychild: yo mamma so sweet, I'd marry her all over. boychild: [eyeroll]
If have to do the math to see if something's "worth it," it's probably not.
Me: wind is god, farting. Boychild: no, it's god sighing at that joke.
How can you tell I'm a dad? Because I make jokes like this. Singing: Ptolemy, why not take Ptolemy...
the cat is now shredding my newspaper. did he read my previous tweet?
SAT experience tells me that, In vote for Scottish independence, "yes" is a trick. The correct answer is C, "aye." (It's always C.)
I think my third eye needs Visine.
Fact: parents acquire tastes on order to keep from sharing with offspring. I'm up to 80+% cocoa in my chocolate by now.
At National Archives. Saw original Constitution et al. Got choked up. Where has my cynicism gone?
I'd call my autobiography "About the Author." Then I'd have an "about the author" bit at the end, saying "did you pay attention at all?"
Potty training book idea: A Tinkle in Rhyme
How phisticated are you?
I want that Exodus movie to sell Team Moses and Team Pharaoh t-shirts.
At gym, caught up in discussion of weights v. cardio, I realized the one thing I've not been brave enough to try is eating less.
Girlchild, eating liquor truffles: ew. But okay, the chocolate wins out in the end.
Every time you honk at a garbage truck to hurry up they should skip your next scheduled pickup.
I've noticed that our cat makes the floorboards creak. Maybe he's not quite done with his diet after all.
Overheard at museum restaurant: "...Christmas tree and lots of sexual symbolism..." I gotta find that one!
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