There's something about staring at the computer for this long which robs me of that magical feeling.

Now every time we have a fight the word twitter seems to come up.

If you really want to scare your followers don't talk about zombies or how crazy you are. Tweet about taxes.

Spouse told me to be more assertive and grab what I want in life so I'll be spending the rest of the evening online shopping.

You might be surprised to hear what I really think of that boy and his lack of manners. Unfortunately my kids choose their own friends.

If the kids have my laptop now I'm SOL because the pc downstairs died and the wife won't tell me her password.

Show your face at my door ever again and I promise my fists against your head will feel anything but boring.

Always dreamed of a white-picket fence street with neighbours who'd hound me to buy from them at their home sales parties, oops, MEETINGS!

When they arrived property values dropped on our crescent but if you're happy that's all that matters.

The bad news: I'm eating the Easter chocolates I was going to give my parents. The good news: I've only had 4 today and they're gluten-free.

I figure at this point how could things get any worse than the mm discovery?

Those huge inflatable bunnies really turn things around for me in the mornings.

Instead of getting angry about the mm website she says "Wow, what a turn-on!"

My 3 kids trained themselves to do this thing where they tiptoe up to me very tentatively and ask if I'm in a good mood.

The kids grab the laptop and only return it when it's out of charge. I'll get back at them with an empty fridge, wallet and gas tank.