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Our Tory MP visited assembly last week. Child 1: What's your favourite school? MP: This one. Child 2: Why are you closing it down, then?
David Cameron has announced that the Olympics has given Britain a massive self-confidence boost. He'll soon fix that.
My oldest friend has told everyone on Facebook how wonderful her husband is for bringing her "a bowel full of porridge" in bed. Yummy!
I like eating haggis and would quite like to try making my own. I haven't got the stomach for it, though.
Gove, Gove, decrees that we / Should teach young children poetry. / Yet another silly stunt / From Gove, Gove, stupid idiot.
I follow a moose, duck, rabbit, panda and owl on Twitter. I insist they're real people but my friend says they're only menagerie.
My husband loves to turn me on my back, run his hands over me and say I'm beautiful. Wish he didn't call me by his guide dog's name, though.
When the police demanded we accompany them to the station as our noisy sex was disturbing the neighbours, we said we'd come quietly.
I'm not sure I'd complain about a nice bit of stallion between my baps.
JLS have split up? Oh man. Now I’ve got NO chance of finding out who they are or what they look like.
I think it's unfair to judge Piers Morgan by only looking at certain aspects of his life and work. We should all judge him as a hole.
I say ‘of,’ you say ‘if.’ / I say ‘though,’ you say ‘methought.' / Of, if, though, methought. / Let’s turn autocorrect off.
Here's a very long shot: does anyone know of a Carolynn and Neil Stocks who are / were publicans in or around the Rotherham area? Please RT.
Don't do stand up but can stand up. Primary teacher of some standing. Mostly standing, come to think of it.