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Fuck, ran into that couple i hate in the grocery store. Knowing my luck they'll be buying the same stuff, on every aisle as me.
She's kind of like a prostitute... but for free.
Shot of espresso after dinner at my age is like a key bump after the bar closed in college.
Thought people stopped wearing white sunglasses and watching Entourage years ago. Sadly, I hate my generation.
So let me get this straight, oil prices rise we immediately see a change at the pump. Prices completely tumble and nothing?
Defriending people on Facebook then sending them Google+ invites. Blowing minds over here.
Ever lose your kid at an amusement park? That's what I feel like everytime I lose my iPhone for 10mins.
Every girl has her gay guy. And every gay guy has a girl 'friend' with huge cleavage.
That blonde in the new Wendys commercial makes me want to buy what ever they're selling.
The moment your hangover disappears and you immediately head to the liquor store for a six pack and bottle of vodka.
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday - Some asshole with a cool voice.
Missed lunch. Catching up on calories at the local pub. Food is overrated.
Found a $15 gift card to Boarders in my drawer. I think that's enough to buy the company out, right?
WTF is Carmageddon, and Jesus, please don't make me google this shit.
Make her kiss your Patek Philippe. Bitches LOVE to kiss your Patek.
You're hotter than the bottom of my MacBook baby.