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I like my book club, mostly because I'm the founder and only member. Still the endless arguing gets annoying.
My GF has started calling her period "Shark Week." Perfect way to warn me of the blood and danger in terms I understand.
I've had a ziplock full of pistachios all day, and not once called it my nut sack. I'm all grown up now, aren't I?
Working in a cubicle is like being a kid, playing in a cardboard box...and being unable to imagine the box is anything but a box. Yay! Box.
This weekend we gain an hour. Depending on how much I drink tonight, I could break even!
My inner 12 year old just realized you could put people on a twitter list named "to-do"
Revisiting personal life mission statement: Idea 1: Invent absurd field of study, then become tenured professor of it.
Back at work, still sick. Dizzy, maybe about to hallucinate. I sure hope I'm still contagious! Wheee!!!
Just got my performance review. Much lower marks this year, same period I started tweeting. Coincidence? Totally.
Someone needs to tell Starbucks that their Via suppositories are too jagged on the ends.
Merged my book club with my social anxiety support group. What a nightmare! I'm still the only member of both, but I just can't get along.
I'm not ignoring you, I'm just micro-listening to you so I can multi-listen to other sources. Please continue.
Dressed up today for a VIP visit. I'm essentially a giant magnet that attracts coffee and mustard.
I'm not refusing to work, I'm micro-participating.
I hope no one ever asks me for words of wisdom about middle age. All that comes to mind for me is "Oops."
I like turtles. Sorry, that's all I got for ya this morning.
Does everyone have demon faces instead of human faces today or am I the only one seeing this?
Dear coworkers: I can get some jollies with Twitter or I can just tell you what I really think of you. Your choice.
You look like you need a hug. I'm not giving you one because human emotion is not welcome here at work, but anyway: mental hug.
Quick reminder: Yetis are fucking awesome. That is all, Over and Out.
Higher primate in office cubicle habitat. Don't tap on the glass, please.