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@PaxOfficio
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Friends: 206
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@PaxOfficio's most faved Tweets...
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I like my book club, mostly because I'm the founder and only member. Still the endless arguing gets annoying.
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PaxOfficio
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My GF has started calling her period "Shark Week." Perfect way to warn me of the blood and danger in terms I understand.
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PaxOfficio
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I've had a ziplock full of pistachios all day, and not once called it my nut sack. I'm all grown up now, aren't I?
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PaxOfficio
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Working in a cubicle is like being a kid, playing in a cardboard box...and being unable to imagine the box is anything but a box. Yay! Box.
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PaxOfficio
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This weekend we gain an hour. Depending on how much I drink tonight, I could break even!
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PaxOfficio
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My inner 12 year old just realized you could put people on a twitter list named "to-do"
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PaxOfficio
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Revisiting personal life mission statement: Idea 1: Invent absurd field of study, then become tenured professor of it.
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PaxOfficio
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Back at work, still sick. Dizzy, maybe about to hallucinate. I sure hope I'm still contagious! Wheee!!!
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PaxOfficio
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Someone needs to tell Starbucks that their Via suppositories are too jagged on the ends.
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PaxOfficio
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Just got my performance review. Much lower marks this year, same period I started tweeting. Coincidence? Totally.
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PaxOfficio
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Merged my book club with my social anxiety support group. What a nightmare! I'm still the only member of both, but I just can't get along.
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PaxOfficio
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I'm not ignoring you, I'm just micro-listening to you so I can multi-listen to other sources. Please continue.
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PaxOfficio
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Dressed up today for a VIP visit. I'm essentially a giant magnet that attracts coffee and mustard.
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PaxOfficio
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I'm not refusing to work, I'm micro-participating.
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PaxOfficio
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I hope no one ever asks me for words of wisdom about middle age. All that comes to mind for me is "Oops."
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PaxOfficio
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I like turtles. Sorry, that's all I got for ya this morning.
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PaxOfficio
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Dear coworkers: I can get some jollies with Twitter or I can just tell you what I really think of you. Your choice.
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PaxOfficio
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You look like you need a hug. I'm not giving you one because human emotion is not welcome here at work, but anyway: mental hug.
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PaxOfficio
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Does everyone have demon faces instead of human faces today or am I the only one seeing this?
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PaxOfficio
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Quick reminder: Yetis are fucking awesome. That is all, Over and Out.
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PaxOfficio
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