I like how having Piñata's at a child's birthday party teaches them to beat the shit out of something until they get what they want. Nice.

Word of the day "Omelet" used in an ebonics sentence: "I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelet that shit go!”.

There comes a moment in time when a girl just needs her ass slapped and her hair pulled.

The first fuck is always an audition.

Since I joined Twitter, I notice how wordy people can be in real life. I mean, shut the fuck up already.

Got free coffee because I told the guy at Starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.

I hate when people take the posted speed limit so fucking seriously.

I have an orgasm fetish. I want them. I want to see them. I want to hear them. I want to give them. And not in that order.

I hate how my job always expects me to show up.

It takes a special kinda fucked up to be me.

The reason I swear so much is because fuck you.

Just accidentally sent my teenager a text asking about "porn" pictures when I meant "prom" pictures. I will never live this down. Never!

Why am I so addicted to Twitter? Is there Twitter rehab? WILL there be?

I want "cocksmith" added to my fucking tombstone.

If u have not seen a black woman chase after her weave after the wind blows it off her head, then u have never laughed as much as I just did

Thanks for carrying me to bed last night. And sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape...

I hate people, I really do. The only reason some people should even have a mouth is to suck cock ONLY. Shut-it, bitch.

I would literally break up with a man just so I didn't have to cook for him. Related: I'm about to be single again.

I'm having the best hair day of my life... if you wanna fuck? You can pull it really hard & mess it up too. It's okay, I can handle it.

I only love all of you in a "hate-fuck" kind of way.