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I like how having Piñata's at a child's birthday party teaches them to beat the shit out of something until they get what they want. Nice.
Word of the day "Omelet" used in an ebonics sentence: "I should pop yo ass fo what you jus did, but omelet that shit go!”.
There comes a moment in time when a girl just needs her ass slapped and her hair pulled.
The first fuck is always an audition.
Since I joined Twitter, I notice how wordy people can be in real life. I mean, shut the fuck up already.
The reason I swear so much is because fuck you.
I hate when people take the posted speed limit so fucking seriously.
I hate how my job always expects me to show up.
I have an orgasm fetish. I want them. I want to see them. I want to hear them. I want to give them. And not in that order.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
Do angry people know about naps?
Make sure to look both ways before you go fuck yourself.
It takes a special kinda fucked up to be me.
Wanted: Benefits ....fuck all the friend bullshit
Got free coffee because I told the guy at Starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Some people just need a hug. ....Around the neck. ....With a rope.
Just accidentally sent my teenager a text asking about "porn" pictures when I meant "prom" pictures. I will never live this down. Never!
You know what really excites me before my morning coffee? More sleep.
How many times do I have to roll my eyes to start burning calories?
I want "cocksmith" added to my fucking tombstone.
Contemptuous asshole with an affinity for lunacy.