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Sometimes you see a spermatozoon fusing with an ovum and it's just like 'get a womb, you two'.
It must be hard to address Princess Peach without sounding sarcastic.
Midol = Tylenol PMS
Sharknado 2: Death of Pi
If you're buying more than one roll of toilet paper at a time, you're probably beating me at life right now.
So we agree: A better name for pineapple and ham pizza would be Hawaiian Brunch.
As far as high-brow potential porn parodies go, 'A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Penis' is probably my favorite idea of the day.
The first rule of solipsism club: There may not be a solipsism club.
I'm going to miss using the phrase "Apocalypse notwithstanding."
Arabian Apparel seeks eye models
Indonesian shoplifter has hands cut off, regrets stealing mittens
CBS Writers Mentoring Program | Austin Film Festival Finalist. Below? Those are my [jokes]. If you don't like them, I have others.