Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Try as you might, Tweeters - you will never be funnier than an Asian trying to say parallelogram.
God I wish there was something between the cheerleader's exclamation mark and the sociopath's caps lock.
Proper lighting is such a cock-block
Before I mock religion I always ask if anyone is religious. That way I know which one to focus on : )
Nothing makes more or less sense than all day breakfast.
Instead of tweeting I've been talking to people. People who can do more than just 'twit-punch' me in the face.
You know those people you hate for no reason? They think you're an asshole.
Accidentally tweeting a draft? Embarrassing.
Not having enough followers to care? Priceless!
Do you think factory workers think an assembly line is as dramatic as the discovery channel makes it seem?
I love it when drunk guys/girls tell me the same story twice, because I complete their sentences and they think I'm their God/Soulmate
I have a pair of pants which bunch up so it looks like I have a huge boner whenever I sit down.
I know, awesome!
I'm sick of Google controlling me.
I will be the judge of whether a 1 character password is safe or not!
Some people open a can of whoop-ass, but I prefer to uncork a nice Pinot Noir of kick-you-in-the-shins
I'm not gonna lie, a summer of 69 sounds awesome.
Well no, I don't know what a fluffernutter is, but I'm pretty confident you are one.
Have you noticed that not all women are spectacular drivers?
Whew, finally caught up to live on my TL.
*turns head*..... *turns back*
Fuck you guys.
Let's just say, anything that follows "Let's just say" is a lie
Being an 80s movie-star rocks! No matter how bad you get hurt, you only get a cut above your eye.
That and the hair.
There's nothing more terrifying than reaching out for a 'Pull' door, knowing that broken knuckles are just one asshole's ninja-kick away.
Full-time Mangod http://favstar.fm/users/petrudess/recent