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Riding my bike to the mailbox is a great time to think... about how hot and sweaty I am in the desert heat.
I will never give up my gun; I need it to shoot my Windows phone
I've been trying to look younger and now I do, thanks to this big zit on my nose.
I've never received a medal for not taking hostages after losing 50 games in Candy Crush, so I get it Unsung Heroes.
It bears repeating that some people take redundancy to a whole new limit.
My husband talks in his sleep; just one more conversation I don't have to participate in.
I've been watching this show, Scandal, but I really don't think Obama is much of an actor
My new Windows phone is so cool; it reminds me of my first computer that ran DOS.
I need to borrow an Alzheimer's patient for about an hour to fold all the baskets of clean laundry I have laying around.
Today is Dude's birthday, so I bought him a dozen roses and a new waffle iron.
Great response time by the ICU nurse to my STAT request in a patient's room. I couldn't remember an actor's name.
Me: Do you need a pain pill? Patient: Is there medicine in it? Me: :-/
All this time I thought I was Irish; turns out I'm Scotch. Single malt.
Today I had an hour-long professional massage, in home for $45. Be very jealous.
If I were Freud, I would say tweeters were stuck in the anal phase versus the oral phase about 50/50.
My neighbors think I'm a stalker. I'm calling Radio Shack to tell them how awesome this equipment is.
Shit happens & I clean it up. Married to Dude. Got my BS from FU. You can call me NILF.