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RIGHT NOW, Somewhere, in some city, a girl is getting fingered to a Dave Mathews song by a guy in Khaki shorts.
Guys, Stop being such phony cornballs and be yourself, then maybe that girl you always wanted to fuck would actually have sex with you.
Korn, Limp BizKit, and StainD should do a re-union tour so lots of guys with eye brow rings will have something to do.
"I HATE DRAMA" - girl that probably causes 90% of it.
Does anyone on Twitter have a hot glue gun I can borrow? My nerf gun broke and this orgy is getting out of hand.
If the mayor of your city wears a cowboy hat, your city is fucked.
Lady Gaga seems like the type of girl that would have no problem shitting on your chest during sex wearing nothing but a clown wig.
"Does anyone have an extra pair of FILA running shoes I can borrow" - kids named Mike from Florida
Anyone who has an extra 400 dollars to spend on a "Dyson Ball" vacuum is an asshole.
Remember guys that used the word "SWAG"?
Well, those same guys are sitting at the corner of the bar in an Aeropostale Beanie...
Just bought some snake skin boots and a Wonka Nerd rope from a garage sale. Try topping that and I'm all ears guys.
Facebook peaked when it was used exclusively for college kids. Now it's full of people I hate like family, clergy, & highschool classmates.
Accepting girlfriend applications. REQUIREMENTS: lie, move fast, huge ego, blame others, pity play, and have a Jekyll & Hyde personality.
Mexico has STRICT gun laws. That works out really well.
"I just stuck 6 metal balls up my ass from the board game Crossfire" - said some guy in a mental hospital 17 seconds ago.
Black or White, at least we can all agree that Tyler Perry needs to put an immediate stop to whatever the fuck he's doing.
Crazy to think that EVERY single woman that EVER existed up until the mid 90's had an extremely hairy vagina. Think about that kids.
Ray Lewis hiding behind "GOD" is one of the biggest jack off stroke jobs in the history of sports. What a fucking con man.
Hi Kids, Im an actor & comedian. I can be seen on Funny or Die, The Films FDR American Badass & 50K and a Call Girl. Find me at a dive bar near you.