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  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    RIGHT NOW, Somewhere, in some city, a girl is getting fingered to a Dave Mathews song by a guy in Khaki shorts.

    • 11
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979Dfr247jiggynyeHrBryCourtSliceYellowTruckNo3kaminowitzcomedyfish
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    NWSchellCalebRELeeStefania0408CourtSliceYellowTruckNo3SemFittyBrianhopecomedy
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Guys, Stop being such phony cornballs and be yourself, then maybe that girl you always wanted to fuck would actually have sex with you.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Your5amGirlJuneBugSpadeBrentweetsallison1129MrRamBillingschrisanna4real
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    JuneBugSpadeMrRamBillings
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Korn, Limp BizKit, and StainD should do a re-union tour so lots of guys with eye brow rings will have something to do.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979sanbaypompousdadReinhahaskullbride
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    pompousdadReinhaha
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    "I HATE DRAMA" - girl that probably causes 90% of it.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979jiggynyeGreenSmoke_
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    Ilovelamp1979addyanandGreenSmoke_diloreT_I
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Does anyone on Twitter have a hot glue gun I can borrow? My nerf gun broke and this orgy is getting out of hand.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Necropedophile3Ilovelamp1979jiggynyeGreenSmoke_Fav_Asshole
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Ilovelamp1979GreenSmoke_
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    If the mayor of your city wears a cowboy hat, your city is fucked.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979Th3BadGuy__CompChristopherBob_HellerTheGrimKing
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Lady Gaga seems like the type of girl that would have no problem shitting on your chest during sex wearing nothing but a clown wig.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979BEphotogDreamsFade__kgirl683
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Ilovelamp1979kgirl683
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    "Does anyone have an extra pair of FILA running shoes I can borrow" - kids named Mike from Florida

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979jessilyleskgirl683joeljeffrey
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    jessilyleskgirl683
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Anyone who has an extra 400 dollars to spend on a "Dyson Ball" vacuum is an asshole.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979aluwapHumor_FetishItsNnejTheGrimKing
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Remember guys that used the word "SWAG"?





    Well, those same guys are sitting at the corner of the bar in an Aeropostale Beanie...

    • 4
    • FAVS
    jiggynyeJuneBugSpadeBrentweetsMrRamBillings
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    JuneBugSpadeMrRamBillings
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Just bought some snake skin boots and a Wonka Nerd rope from a garage sale. Try topping that and I'm all ears guys.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979jiggynyeCountGripsnatchclindsayswaydiscountzen
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    discountzen
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Facebook peaked when it was used exclusively for college kids. Now it's full of people I hate like family, clergy, & highschool classmates.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979Humor_FetishItsNnejTheGrimKing
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Accepting girlfriend applications. REQUIREMENTS: lie, move fast, huge ego, blame others, pity play, and have a Jekyll & Hyde personality.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979Humor_FetishTheGrimKing
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    TheGrimKingafrogirl23
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Mexico has STRICT gun laws. That works out really well.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979jiggynyehippyhoppincrazylikeanox
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    crazylikeanox
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    "I just stuck 6 metal balls up my ass from the board game Crossfire" - said some guy in a mental hospital 17 seconds ago.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979jiggynyeBrentweetsMrRamBillings
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MrRamBillings
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Black or White, at least we can all agree that Tyler Perry needs to put an immediate stop to whatever the fuck he's doing.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979jiggynyeGreenSmoke_ntoklasFav_Asshole
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Crazy to think that EVERY single woman that EVER existed up until the mid 90's had an extremely hairy vagina. Think about that kids.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    Ilovelamp1979TorriableGloGurL1BigMick
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Th3BadGuy__
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    @shittycomedian This guy in LA just decided to face plant on the grassy knoll pic.twitter.com/6RQxwesWim

    • 3
    • FAVS
    AlishaMRMStevisShitticusShittyComedian
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    ShittyComedian
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    @kgirl683 I had a dream you and Willem Defoe were doing butt stuff in my bed while I was trying to sleep. Woke up with sticky sheets, HMM.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    QueenDarkSidekgirl683
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    QueenDarkSidekgirl683
  • PhilSeas
      Phil Seas @PhilSeas

    Ray Lewis hiding behind "GOD" is one of the biggest jack off stroke jobs in the history of sports. What a fucking con man.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    NJPsychDocmichaelpathTheGrimKing
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    TheGrimKing
@PhilSeas

@PhilSeas

Hi Kids, Im an actor & comedian. I can be seen on Funny or Die, The Films FDR American Badass & 50K and a Call Girl. Find me at a dive bar near you.