Can someone remind me how to redeem my Foursquare points again? I think I’ve got enough for a foot pump.

@davidrashleigh if a disco dancer loses his rhythm is he defunct?

Dear Women - I support your right to be anything you want to be but honestly, can’t you think of something more useful than a bishop?

@rpharaon one slice or two, *that* is the question.

This is a really cute app  http://www.moves-app.com/  @movesapp

@baghabit dunno - was it some kind of korma?

@supermyers horse puns: they did not die in vain.

I’m hoping this coffee will taste better now it’s seared the first layer of taste buds from my tongue. Nope.

@concernedmom420 brilliant parody account (I really, really hope)

I sometimes imagine the line graph of the average Twitter IQ over time. It isn’t a graph you’d want hanging at the end of your hospital bed.

@alanb about 50 years.

@david_cameron Ignore the negative people here Dave. I believe you can do anything. You have me considering voting Labour & that’s a miracle

@cultureshipname ROU: Inappropriate Touching

Maybe it would be simpler if I had my salary paid directly to Amazon and they could give me a small personal allowance?