BREAKING: Alan Jones will hold 2:30 press conference to apologize for 11:30 press conference.

BREAKING: Cricket Australia Chair of selectors John Invararity agrees to admit rotation policy failed on Oprah show next Friday. #AUSvSL

See how that works? I tweeted you and made you laugh and so you followed me. If twitter were a pub, we'd be sleeping together later...

Under Anna Bligh's reign Queensland has never lost a State of Origin series. It's on you now, Campbell Newman.

If Darrell Lea goes bust a lot of blokes are going to have to learn how to just say sorry and look like they mean it.

@quentinhull Women grunting badly. @doctorkarl breaks down science of Azarenka's tennis grunts. #ausopen #abctennis http://t.co/HCd2HQe7”

BREAKING: Cairns: 2-metre crocodile on Mulgrave Road, main street! Came out a drain! http://twitpic.com/5wum90 http://twitpic.com/5wumea

Tom Waterhouse claims to know what punters want, yet he keeps appearing over and over on my tv.

That's the opposite of what I want.

Fathers Day. Shout out to all those tweeps who weren't raised by a father, but are making it in life despite that! Good work!

Oooh, the flyers are circulating around #Cairns - @ssfcrabbitohs v @gctitans shaping up as a massive event! #NRL pic.twitter.com/3ylsjW3SGv

@ejchristian7 @realtalkonsprts @lakersnation They should just settle this feud with a free throw shoot out.

I bet you any money that coffee was invented on a Monday...

An embarrassing decision definately decided tonight's State of Origin. The NSW decision to kick for goal from 40m while trailing 10-12.

Wow, so New Zealand now officially kicks Australia's ass in soccer, basketball, rugby union and common sense. #gaymarriage

BREAKING: Most amazing coincidence in history. Refs cost NSW game for seventh consecutive year!

Leo Farrell at the #Cairns weather bureau: the highest recorded rainfall this weekend here: 404mm in 72hrs! The average, about 300! #bigwet

Can't read one more comment on 2DayFm's prank call. The only message out of it is: If your feeling like you're up against it, call 131114.

Cute! We put this 2-day old kitten on the radio this morning. 30sec clip, have a listen! http://t.co/6zXJiIZy http://t.co/U8zrpXRT

BREAKING: NRL to ban the cut-out pass. Considered far too entertaining. Offloads expected to come under heavy scrutiny next.

The smile on this bloke! House ruined, huge mortgage but after 6 days he's just finished cleaning his pub. #bigwet pic.twitter.com/lx0ULqZa