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Here's a novel idea: before taking selfies or pics of your cat, CLEAN YOUR HOUSE.
Guys, I know how to please a woman: KEEP A JOB. And be nice.
I had friends, once. People who cared for me. I dropped those suckers for you guys. Continue w/the comedy, please.
I know it's bed time when the Aussies start Instagramming their lunch.
I don't waste my time on Twitter, just yours.
It's so cold outside I just poked 2 little holes in the front of my shirt.
This would probably be a way more popular tweet if I were a chick
If you don't have a pic of yourself as your avi, I assume you're a secret agent & revealing your identity means the terrorists win.
Took my beloved acoustic guitar to the shop for repair. Ended up buying another one, too. I get it, women & your shoes. I get it.
I can't keep up with who's who in the Twitter cliques. Can y'all get matching jackets like on Grease or something?
Whenever I see someone make that <3 symbol with their hands, I pretend they're ordering a tiny cheeseburger in a noisy, crowded restaurant.
I don't need your attention for my own emotional validation. I'm strong like that.
(Star & RT that, please. KTHXBYE.)
Confession: I only followed some of you because I noticed your use of the Oxford comma. RESPECT.
"About to watch a Nicolas Cage movie" is my current level of self-hatred.
Autocorrect is really just testing my grammar skills, I think.
I buy guitars & amps so that I can play gigs & earn money to buy guitars & amps so that I can play gigs...
Still waiting for word back on my Illuminati membership application.
I write, record, perform. Guitarist for Gene Evans, et al. Lifelong Ibanez player. Libertarian. Half Scottish, all Texan.
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