If I told you in 2007 that in 2011 we'd be killing Soc. Security, torturing Americans & bombing Libya, who would you guess won the election?

I assume everyone who thinks Progressivism is destroying America will be reporting for their 12-hour shift at the unregulated mine today.

No quip or caption can enhance this: pic.twitter.com/3O6v00R3

Labor Day is a socialist holiday.

If you hate socialism, go to work.

You know how you were suspicious of everything you read on the Internet today? We should probably do that all the other days, too.

The purpose of the Prometheus expedition was to get the worst scientists ever as far from earth as possible.

Like everyone else in Chicago, I'm taking pictures of the sky and waiting for Zuul. http://campl.us/b7wV

Figure 1: http://t.co/I8RhEe3

Figure 2: http://t.co/KfyT1By

Up top, internet.

I didn’t watch the Oscars and today the Internet has been like the dumbest remake of Rashomon.

My parents got to watch Apollo land on the moon. I got to watch America quit.

If Ned Flanders invented Burning Man it would be the Republican National Convention.

Current status: pic.twitter.com/lYVhtPnQ

Voting in Illinois today is like playing Fuck/Marry/Kill with the Three Stooges.

How easily would Obama get re-elected if he simply ran on a Socialized Netflix platform?

How quickly would society collapse if people ever found out they can use literally anything they want for a Monopoly token?

It's a lovely autumn day in Chicago.

The Twitter social contract requires you to be interested in this information.

No. I have a drinking SOLUTION.

YOU have a problem.

You’re shoved into a dumpster full of blood & bones.

“Welcome to the George W. Bush Presidential Library.”

Also there’s a dog painting.

I can keep my damn shoes on through airport security now, right?

It's time you just accepted this... No, it will never be warm again.